Back to Work

Yes, yes, I know, I was supposed to do 24 hours bed rest and that would have meant I would have had to “rest” until 11:00 a.m. today. But, my boss is just not an understanding guy by any stretch of the imagination and I just couldn’t take another day off of work. I already didn’t have any time as it is due to the fact that they barely give us any time off anyway and now I am like over 5 days in the negative. So I have tried to take it easy and haven’t moved too much. But I really hope I wont regret going back to work today although I cant lose my job right now so I had to do what I had to do. I have no idea what we are going to do if we have to do this again but I am trying not to think about that. I have to say that I am not as optimistic about this cycle today as I have been over the past few days. I am questioning our decision to only put back one even though that is what we discussed in the very beginning. Its not that I hate the idea of twins or don’t think twins are cute or anything. I just want a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I want to minimize the risk to the baby and to myself. My doctor is also a big supporter of single embryo transfers especially in women who it is their first IVF and have a good quality embryo. But what if we should have transferred two? They told me that the pregnancy rates were no higher, even showed me numbers. I almost changed my mind when right before the transfer they told me that right now none of my embryos would be at the stage to be frozen. I was afraid that we wouldn’t have any to freeze so I panicked and said okay, put back two. They then called my RE who suggested only putting back one because of the OHSS and the fact that getting me pregnant with twins would be very risky to my health. So I went with my doctors suggestions. I so hope we made the right decision. I also can’t help but think that we are basing this whole cycle on this one little embryo, I sure hope he/she is a fighter. I am also bummed because I thought maybe I might feel something, like implantation cramps or have some spotting or something. I know the little guy should be digging in soon if he hasn’t already done so and I was hoping I would feel something. I know this is ridiculous because most people probably don’t feel implantation anyway. My Mom also gave me some grief about only putting back one. I really wish people would understand that it goes way beyond simply having two cute little babies, that it can affect my health and their health too. It made me angry that she would question our choice when we are the ones who are armed with information and the ones making the decision who have to deal with the consequences. I am already feeling guilty enough about not putting back two and I really need the support of my family and friends, I don’t need anyone to question our decisions. **Please note that this is a not a dig at anyone who chooses to put back two or is pregnant with twins, I know it is the norm to put back two and I am going against the grain but if this cycle doesn't work I will ask them to put back two next time. My beta will be on May 12th, the day before my 28th birthday. So I will either have a shitty birthday or a wonderful one. As for those who have suggested not to POAS before the beta, it’s just not something that I am comfortable with. I always test before my beta. I just like to prepare myself for the news. I would rather think it will be negative and be prepared for the phone call while at work and be pleasantly surprised by a positive beta then being full of hope and having to receive a devastating call while at work with no warning. I know it isn’t the best way for everyone but it helps me deal with the call a little easier.



As for my health, I am slowly starting to feel better. I woke up yesterday feeling better than I had in days. I was happy that I felt better because I was seriously thinking that it wouldn’t be good to put our little one into a sick body. I was able to eat some foods off of my “wish list” (which I will talk about in a minute.) This morning I woke up feeling a little yuckier than yesterday but still better than the past week or so. I feel better now but my chest is the thing that is bothering me the most. I have a really heavy feeling and soreness in my chest like the way you feel after you have been coughing with a really bad chest cold only I haven’t been coughing. I am thinking it has something to do with the fluid that was in my lungs. And, the most annoying thing is I cant button my pants! Now, I am already pleasantly plump to begin with so not being able to button my pants is awful! I thought about getting a bella band but I don’t want to buy anything maternity because I feel it will be bad luck. I don’t want to buy larger pants because I find that if I get larger pants I allow myself to grow into them. So for now I have my pants unbuttoned and a long shirt with another tied around my waist. I am hoping the bloating will go down soon but when they did the u/s yesterday to check the size of my ovaries they were still quite large. Meh..I guess it could be worse.

Lastly, I want to tell you how amazing my wonderful hubby is! He took such good care of me over the past week. He did everything he could to make me feel comfortable and ease my pain. He even cleaned up my throw up when I didn’t make it to the potty (TMI I know.) The OHSS also took a toll on me emotionally and he was there for me then too. I cant even begin to describe the physical discomfort of having everything that belongs in the lower half of you abdomen pushed into your stomach and lungs. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t eat (and still threw up even if I didn’t eat), I really felt like I was choking on my insides. I have a friend at church who has gone through IVF and she called me to see how I was feeling the other day and told me that she had OHSS and how terrible she felt. She told me that she was sure she was dying and that she should be in the ICU (and she is a nurse.) It made me feel better to know that other people have experienced the pain and that she knew what I was going through. While I was sick I made a “wish list” of foods that I wanted to eat as soon as I was able (when you don’t eat for days you start fantasizing about food.) I know it sounds silly but I needed something to look forward to. I had things on my list like cherry tomatoes, pickles, fritos, chocolate covered raisins, and tomato juice, I even put on my list that I wanted to eat a taco salad as my first dinner. Well, my wonderful Dh went to the store yesterday and purchased every single thing on my list and also came home and made me a taco salad for dinner! I was so touched and thrilled that he would do that. I really hope that Doozer sticks around to meet his/her amazing daddy!

Well, that’s about it for now. Thank you all so much for still reading and commenting even though I didn’t check anyone’s blog for days. I apologize for not checking them or commenting. You all are the best!