Sunday, December 28, 2008

Birth Story

Well, as you can see my little man decided to come a little early. Before I forget any of the details I wanted to record the birth story.

On Monday I did have some contractions throughout the day but nothing too bad. I did notice though that these contractions were also in my back when all of the ones I had been having previously were just an uncomfortable tightening in my belly. Monday evening I had some more contractions and Shawn and I decided to time them. They were about 7 minutes apart for a while but when I changed positions they went to 10 minutes apart, then 20 minutes apart and then they disappeared. So we went to bed. Shawn ended up getting up to go sleep on the couch around 1:00 a.m. because the cats were being noisy. All of a sudden I was awaken at around 1:30 a.m. by a huge gush of water. I knew right away that my water had broken, there was no mistaking it. I tried to call for Shawn because I was leaking everywhere but he didn't hear me so I had to get out of bed and go to the bedroom door where I called his name and told him my water broke. I went and sat on the toilet while Shawn brought me the phone and my insurance card because I had to call my doctor's office. That's when the contractions started, painful contractions which were coming almost one after another. We rushed around the house finishing packing our hospital bag. Shawn's parents met us at our house and we were off to the hospital. It is about a 40 minute drive to the hospital and the closer we got the more worried I got that we weren't going to make it. The contractions were coming fast, about every two minutes and I was in a lot of pain. By the time we got to the hospital it was around 3:00 a.m. Shawn took me in a wheelchair because there was no way I could walk. I had to wait in the lobby for a few minutes for them to bring me back to triage and I continued to have more contractions. They got me back to triage and had me change into a gown and asked me to give a urine sample. It was so hard to urinate because I was leaking fluid and had a tremendous amount of pressure down low. They got me into the bed and hooked me up to the monitors. By this time I was in excruciating pain and begging for an epidural. They told me they had to check me and get a bag of IV fluids in me before I could get the epidural. They checked me and they all seemed shocked that I was already 5 cm dilated. So they went ahead and admitted me. I told them that I was scheduled for a c-section because of the blood pressure and the diabetes and the fact that my doctor was convinced that my pelvis wasn't big enough to have a baby. They told me they were going to do an u/s and if the baby was head down we were going to try to proceed with a vaginal delivery. They did the u/s and baby was indeed head down so they moved me to a L&D room. I was in awful pain and still begging for the epi. Shawn had me working on my breathing (guess the childbirth class did come in handy after all.) By the time they were able to get me the epi I was already 7 cm dilated. I can't even begin to describe the pain of labor. It is like a really intense period cramp that also extends into your back and accompanied by an intense amount of pressure down below. I admire anyone who is able to go through labor without an epi but I had no desire to do so. I can honestly say that the pain was so bad I thought I was going to die. Once I got the epi it did make me feel better on the left side but I still felt the contractions on the right side. They came in again and adjusted it, still the right side wasn't working. At this point the nurse told me I was fully dilated and it was time to push but that the doctor didn't want me to push until she got there and she was still on her way, she also took the catheter out. She also said that the doctor recommended not increasing the epi anymore because it would make it impossible to feel anything to push. While we waited for the doctor I began to realize that I might actually have to push this baby out when I had been expecting a c-section. I was also not thrilled with still feeling the pain while having to push. When the doctor finally got there she checked me and said that while I was fully dilated there was still a small lip of the cervix still there. She had me push a few times to see if I could push past the lip but it wouldn't budge. So we waited another half hour and she checked me again. So we waited another hour and still the same, only then my cervix was starting to swell and so was the baby's head. It was then that the doctor decided to do the c-section. Within a half hour they upped the epidural, (sweet relief!) put back in the catheter, and took me back for the c-section. At this point I was just ready to get him out! The c-section is all a blur. I remember them scrubbing my belly and thinking it was so strange that I couldn't feel it at all. I remember Shawn coming back and sitting next to me. The anesthesiologist was great, he talked me through everything and made sure I was comfortable. I didn't feel a thing but a lot of pressure when they finally pulled him out. When I heard him cry it was the most amazing sound in the world! Of course I cried like a baby! Shawn followed him as they cleaned him up and checked his breathing. He was strong and healthy and needed no breathing assistance at all. I didn't get to see his face for like 10 minutes and I swear that was the longest 10 minutes of my life. Finally Shawn brought him over to me. I noticed right away how much he looks like Shawn. I still couldn't believe that he came out of me! They moved me to recovery and by that time I felt pretty awful. No pain but I had the shivers really bad, so bad that my muscles and my bones ached. I couldn't stop shaking no matter how hard I tried. So they took Noah to the nursery to feed him and give him his first bath and Shawn went with him. They wouldn't let me leave recovery until I was able to move my legs which took a while because of the amount of epidural I had. Finally they moved me to the room where I spent the next four days. Shawn stayed with me the whole entire time and slept right next to me. We finally got home on Friday after Noah's birth.

The last two weeks have been crazy! Noah is such a good baby. He sleeps a lot, we still have to wake him up to eat and he sleeps all three hours in a row in between feedings. He rarely ever cries unless he is really hungry or unless he is naked. I am loving being a Mommy and it is just as amazing as I always dreamt it would be. I have so much more to say but my little man is fussing. I will hopefully post again soon. I will leave you with some pictures!! Be back soon!




Friday, December 26, 2008

Welcome Little Noah!!

Posted by hubby.


Well little Noah decided he was ready to come out and wanted to be here for Christmas. We tried to update earlier but the hospitals internet would not let us access our blogs or emails.

Noah was born December 23, 2008 at 11:13am! He weighed 7lbs 2.4 ounces and measured 19 3/4. He is adorable! We will post more pictures later but here is a sneak peak.Both Mom and Noah are doing great and I'm so proud of them both.

I will give more updates about the birth and craziness that occurred, but first Mom and I must rest as we just got home and we are exhausted.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Still Hanging in There (35w2d)

I'm surviving bed rest so far. I really have no clue how some of you did it so long! But I guess when you don't have much of a choice you do what you have to do. I'm bored, there is nothing good on TV during the day! I had another doctor's appointment today. My BP was 136/96. The top number went up quite a bit. Luckily there was no protein in my urine. So for now I am still at home and still on bed rest. Dr. checked me again and my cervix remains unchanged. They also did the GBS test and ordered a 24 hour urine and did some other blood work. NST was the same old same old, Noah passed with flying colors and I continued to have contractions. When I got home my OB called me. He called me to inform me that he had conferred with another doctor about my case and they decided that I will most likely be needing a c-section. He said there are four reasons why he thinks I will end up with a c-section: 1) The high blood pressure; 2) The diabetes; 3) When he examined me he noticed I have an extremely small pelvis, he said he could barely fit his fingers up there and when he pushed down on the baby he didn't move further into my pelvis like he should; 3) He says he thinks that the baby is breech. This last one is debatable for me because at my last u/s they said he was not breech. But he said with number one and two combined he doesn't feel comfortable letting me go to 40 weeks. So he scheduled a c-section for December 30th at 12:45 p.m. He said that if I happen to go into labor before then, which he doesn't think I will, then we can talk about a vaginal birth. He also told me that it is possible that if my blood pressure or blood sugars get worse that he may decide to do it earlier. So, the bottom line is that baby Noah will arrive no later than December 30, 2008. Only 2 weeks and a couple of days away! How do I feel about it? I'm not really sure. I went into this with no expectations about the birth, just to have a healthy baby. So while I am sad that I will probably never get to experience going into labor and delivering vaginally in the end it doesn't matter to me how he gets here. I am a bit sad that the doctor didn't seem to want to try an induction, assuming baby is not breech which I don't think he is. But he is the medical professional, and while I don't believe my doctors blindly I do trust him to make the right call for me and Noah. Shawn and I are going to make sure that we get everything done this weekend just in case they send me in early because of my BP. I really want Noah to "cook" a little longer though. I have to pack a hospital bag yet. It just doesn't seem real, that in a little more than 2 weeks we will have a baby. My next doctor's appointment will be on Tuesday. I probably wont be on again until then unless something happens in between now and then.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Bed Rest (35w0d)

Well, the good news is that I will have a lot more time to blog. The bad news is that my doctor put me on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. I really thought that those pesky contractions would be my demise but it turned out to be something totally different. The past couple times that I have been at the doctors my blood pressure has been slightly elevated. My baseline BP is usually kind of low and I have never had a problem with my BP. The past few times my bottom number has been in the 90s and they have told me that my BP was up from my normal BP. Yesterday my BP was 128/98. When my doctor saw how swollen my hands and feet were he declared that yesterday had to be my last day at work. He told me that I need to be at home, laying on my left side until baby comes. It was totally unexpected and I was a little upset. He also told me that if my BP got above 140/110 he would put me in the hospital. So obviously we are trying to avoid that. The bad news is that my "bed rest" time will be unpaid. My boss has given me a few things to take home that I can work on which should help me earn a little money. I also got a Christmas bonus yesterday which is equal to almost 2 weeks pay so that will help. The main thing is that I want baby to be healthy and I don't want to be in the hospital. I feel sorry for my husband because this leaves everything in his hands, earning the money, cooking, cleaning, and doing all last minute preparations. He of course is being amazing as always. I know we will get through it, some of you have been on bed rest much longer. I have another doctor's appointment on Friday and I have a few questions for the doctor that I didn't ask yesterday due to my surprise. I want to know if I will still be allowed to go to 40 weeks or if they will deliver early since I am on bed rest. I want to do what ever is best for the baby. Well, anyway, expect to hear a lot more out of me. I didn't sleep well last night so I am going to try to take a nap before my boss starts calling me. I'll be back!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Busy Bee (34w6d)

Yes, I have been a busy bee! I have missed blogging and am just now finding some time to sit down and type out a post.

***
The baby shower was great! It was so exciting to see so many people come to help us celebrate our little miracle. We had the shower at our church and we had over 60 people come! We got tons of great stuff! the only thing we didn't get was our swing. We also got enough cash and gift cards to purchase a changing table and a glider! Here are a few pictures. To see all the pictures you can go to our babysite (link in sidebar):


Like I said, there are many more pictures on our babysite so feel free to go on over and check them out.

***
Baby is doing fine. I had my second growth u/s at 33 weeks and he weighed 4 lbs 14 oz. The doctor told me he is exactly the average weight. So looks like our little monkey isn't going to be a porker after all! I did notice that his head and belly were measuring almost 36 weeks (I was 33 weeks) but his legs were only measuring 31 weeks. I hope he isn't going to be short like me! We could see his pudgy little cheeks and we even got to see that he has hair! Most importantly he is finally head down! We also had the tech confirm for a fifth time that he is a little boy. It still seems so surreal to me that there is an actual baby in there. And that God willing in a few weeks or so we will get to finally bring a baby home. Crazy! I'm finding myself more anxious that something will go wrong the closer it gets. I'm guessing these are normal feelings, especially after IF. I want him to be healthy so bad. I'm also terrified of becoming a mother. I know nothing about babies, the only thing I have ever "mothered" is our cats. But I guess it is something that you learn. I have had 5 NSTs so far and Noah has passed them with flying colors! I have failed all of them (see below for more on that.) I have also noticed that Noah is having the hiccups about 4 times a day. Poor little baby! He even has them during my NSTs sometimes. Too cute!

***

I have been feeling pretty good up until about two weeks ago. I was just bragging about how great I feel. Over the past two weeks or so I am feeling totally exhausted again. I am also feeling a lot of pressure down low, especially when I walk or stand. I have also been having some contractions during my NSTs which causes them to keep me on the monitor for an hour each time (thought these things were only supposed to be 40 minutes?) I have only been having about 5 or 6 contractions an hour but they are not in a regular pattern. They have done an internal each time and I was not dilating until my last NST/internal on Friday. He told me I was dilated to 1 cm! I wasn't dilated just two days before so he sent me home from work on the off chance that the contractions I was having during the NST were causing me dilate. I had contractions all day Friday and was starting to worry when they finally let up in the evening. I rested all day on Saturday and the tried to resume my normal activities on Sunday and the contractions started again. It seems that when I walk of stand for even a little while they start up again. The thing is, I am confused about whether they are BH or the real thing. They are slightly painful but not bad at all, the tightening stops me in my tracks though. My hands are now starting to swell and I have begun to suffer from what I guess is carpal tunnel. My fingers on my right hand are numb and my wrist hurts. The swelling in both hands makes my knuckles hurt really bad and makes it hard to do much with my hands.

I feel like such a lazy bum! I am so busy at work that when I get home I am exhausted and do nothing but lay on the couch. Shawn has been so great! He is trying really hard to do what I ask, although I know I am picky and hard to deal with sometimes. I am so blessed to have him as a husband and I know he will be a great Dad!

All in all, I am blessed to be where I am and I will never ever forget it. I will also never forget all of you still in the trenches. I think about you often and keep you in my prayers. I know the holiday season can be hell on earth for someone going through IF. Remember, I was there for quite a few years. My advice, do what you have to do to get through it. Don't do anything that makes you miserable. Take this time to think about yourself first. This may not be what most would tell you but sometimes you have to be selfish.

Well, it's back to work for me. I have another Dr's appt and NST at 10:45 today so lets see if I can manage to NOT be sent home from work!

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Pictures & Such (31w4d)

Hello there! If anyone is actually still checking my blog I would be surprised! But, I do have a good excuse! Work has been insane. We have a huge case going on right now with depositions back to back which has kept me extremely busy and exhausted when I get home. I usually have enough energy to have dinner and then fall asleep. The good news is that it is making time fly, the bad news is that I haven't been eating properly which is making my blood sugars not so great and that I have been swelling a lot. At my latest doctors appointment (on Thursday- 31w1d) I was measuring at 34 weeks! So I have to schedule another growth u/s to make sure the little bugger isn't getting too big. Baby Noah is doing great, moving around like crazy. Sometimes his movements are so strong I feel like he is trying to bust out of my belly! I think he is lying transverse right now but I was assured he has some time to move into position so I wont worry quite yet. I will also be seeing the doctor every week from here on out and will begin seeing them twice a week soon. I will also be starting the NSTs next week. I'm just hoping Noah cooperates and passes the NST.

We also started our childbirth classes. We have had two classes so far and for the most part it is stuff I already knew. We do get to spend some time practicing relaxation techniques every class which involves me laying on the mat with pillows and Shawn giving me a massage! That is my favorite part of the class. On Monday we did the hospital tour I am so glad we did. Out hospital is awesome! The labor/delivery room is really nice! It looks like a hotel room and even has a flatscreen tv! The postpartum room is even nicer and also looks like a hotel room. We even got to peek into the nursery and saw some newborn cuties! The hospital was nothing like I expected it to be. I expected it to be stark and white like you see on tv. The lighting is low and it has wood floors and wallpaper on the walls. Very nice, modern, and relaxing.

Now on to the pictures! My FIL painted my belly for Halloween:
We had a small family shower last Sunday and we got some of our big items for our nursery. My Mom got us a dresser and the travel system, MIL & FIL got us the crib, and we also received our bedding set! You can see the complete collection of pictures by visiting our babysite (link in the sidebar.)
Here is Shawn putting together the travel system.
And here is the finished product. (Yes, I realize there is a cat in the picture, but in our house, our kitties are always in our business so it is rare to take a picture without them somewhere in the picture.)
Here is Shawn putting together the dresser.

And he also had a little helper.

And here is the finished product with some random stuff on top.

Here is the crib.


And here is the crib with the bedding! So cute!


The nursery is far from complete. We still have all of the little decorative items which we will receive at our big shower this Saturday. We are so excited! Like I said, there are many more pictures on our babysite so head on over and check it out!

The chances of me being able to post before the weekend is slim. After this week the "big case" should settle down and hopefully things will be back to normal soon. If I don't post before Saturday I guarantee I will be back with lots of lovely pictures from the shower!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Randomness (28w5d)

Holy cow! I seriously did not realize how long it has been since I have updated! I haven't forgotten about all of you or blogging, it just seems the days go by so fast and by the end of the day I am totally exhausted. Since I seem unable to form a coherent paragraph I will do my update in a list form:
  • All continues to go well with baby Noah. He is most active at night and still breech with his head just under my ribs on the left and feet firmly lodged into my bladder. I REALLY want him to turn! It is much easier for others to feel him kick when he isn't kicking my bladder. For now though it seems he likes this position. Lets just hope he decides to turn before the big day!
  • The last couple times I have went to the doctor I have been measuring two weeks ahead. I have another doctors appointment so we will see if I am still measuring ahead. The funny thing is in the last two weeks I haven't gained any weight at all. The doctor isn't concerned though so neither am I.
  • We had our first growth u/s on Thursday. All looks well and baby was measuring 2 lbs. 14 oz. and was measuring 27w5d which was actually a couple days behind. I will ask my doctor but I don't think it is a big deal for him to be measuring a few days behind.
  • I have been having some serious indigestion and heartburn over the past two weeks which is making it difficult to follow my diet because the things I am supposed to eat give me heartburn. For example, I have found that if I eat anything other than eggs and some sort of meat for breakfast my sugar goes up. However, I have been unable to eat eggs because they give me terrible heartburn. I'm not talking about mild heartburn and indigestion, I'm talking about pain and pressure so severe in my chest that it travels into my neck and jaw and makes me feel like I'm having a heart attack. This usually is the worst at night which makes it very difficult to sleep. I have been taking the Zantac and I am up to two pills a day and I am only supposed to take one a day. Even the two a day isn't enough and I am miserable half the day. I have an appointment today at 11:30 and I'm going to ask the doctor if there is another medication I can take. The only thing my tummy can tolerate is bread which is a big no no for me.
  • It is less than a month until my shower and I am so excited! I actually hate baby showers (what infertile doesn't) but I guess because this one is for me it is different. I just cant wait to see everyone and celebrate our little one and I can wait to see all of the cute items that we get for him. Shawn's close family is having a private shower for us also because they said they bought too many items and didn't want to make the guests of the big shower sit through me opening all of their gifts. I'm a little behind on finishing the diaper cake centerpieces so I will be working hard on them this week so that we can decorate them.
  • We have done absolutely nothing to get our house ready for the baby yet. The nursery is still currently a storage room and the "litter box room." It's just one of those things that I was afraid to do for fear of "jinxing" myself. But now I realize it's time to get moving. We will need to have a spot to store all of our shower goodies soon. So this weekend we will empty the room and shampoo the carpet. We don't really have anything to put in there yet. We are still waiting for the crib which should be in in the next couple of weeks. We have a changing table that we are sanding down to stain to match the crib and we still have to purchase a dresser. Seems like we have so much to do!
  • I have some belly pictures but I have to get them off the camera. I also plan to take before/after pictures of the nursery.

That's really all I have for now. When I look at my ticker and see that I only have 79 days until my due date I begin to freak out a bit! I will update again today after my doctor's appointment.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Guess in my Baby Pool!

Check the sidebar for the link!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Double Digits!

Today I am 27 weeks pregnant and according to some sites I am in my third trimester. So I’m calling it the start of my third trimester today! We celebrated this morning by doing something that I have been putting off for a while. I took my left over Follistim (two 600iu cartridges, unopened) and a few vials of leftover Menopur to my fertility clinic and donated them. I was so nervous about giving up the meds but they expire in December and I knew that someone else would be able to use them. They promised me that they will give them to someone who needed it financially. It was also good to see everyone at the fertility clinic that I had grown to know and love. I felt nervous about going in there with a pregnant belly but I hope that the people that were there saw it as a sign of hope and not something to hurt them. I guess I just wanted to make sure I didn’t hurt anyone. But I guess they don’t know my story, they don’t know that we tried for almost six years for this little miracle. I also got to see my doctor who came out just to say hi. I brought some ultrasound pictures to show him. When I left, I left in tears. It’s not easy to forget all of the times that I left that office devastated due to a cancelled cycle or a negative beta. But this time was different, I have a warm feeling when I visit, because if not for them my little Noah wouldn’t be bopping around in my belly. I am thrilled to be where we are. I’m not going to lie, I’m still scared something could go wrong, but I’m starting to get used to the idea that this little miracle might actually come to meet us in 10-13 weeks. We have another ultrasound scheduled for October 23rd. It’s a growth ultrasound to make sure that baby isn’t getting too big because of the diabetes. I will be having growth ultrasounds every three weeks or so. I will also be starting NSTs sometime soon. All in all I feel pretty good. My belly is sore feeling which I guess is from the growing and stretching. I am also feeling some BH contractions (at least that is what the doctor said they are) a few times a day. Usually I feel them at night but I did have some this morning too. Noah is still breech because I feel all of his kicks directly on my cervix or bladder (hurts!) Every now and then I feel a punch up high and yesterday when he was bouncing trampoline style on my cervix I could feel his head in my upper belly. So weird! I have some pictures to post (belly pics) but I have to get them off of the camera. I have nothing to compare it to since our other camera was stolen but I will try to take them every week. My MIL is mailing out m shower invites this week so I am really going to start registry stalking like crazy! Well, I wish I had more to say, I’m not doing much but working and getting ready for our dinner theatre at church. I continue to follow all of your blogs and try to comment when I can. I will try to post some pics in the next couple of days.

Friday, October 3, 2008

25w2d

I know, my title sucks, seriously, I can never think of a creative title. Well, as the title says we are now in our 25th week. Almost to the third trimester! Craziness! Baby Noah is still doing great, bopping around like crazy. He is definitely a night owl just like his Daddy. He doesn't really wake up until around 10 or so and is busy as can be at 11 at night. I love watching my belly wiggle and I love seeing the look on Shawn's face when baby gives him a swift kick in the palm. I still feel like I am living a dream. I have to convince myself that I really am pregnant and there is actually a baby in there. I still find myself surrounded by the same fears though. I'm still fearful something is going to happen to the baby. I know that I am doing the right things though and that ultimately it is all in God's hands. I have finally gotten my blood sugars under control. My fasting numbers are still high so we are still adjusting my evening insulin but as far as after meal sugars go they have been great! I have cut bread out of my breakfast and that seems to have done the trick. If I start out with good numbers after breakfast everything else seems to follow unless I eat something very carb heavy. I'm actually really proud of myself. I have never been able to follow a diet. Hopefully after baby is born I can continue to eat this way. I have only gained 12 pounds so far since the beginning of the pregnancy and I think that is pretty good for me. So far my fears of exploding into a huge fatty haven't been realized, lets hope I can keep it that way. I'm feeling pretty good. My back hasn't been giving me much trouble which is great. I'm still feeling pretty tired by the end of the day and the house still isn't as clean as I would like it. Now I have come down with some sort of cold and I am feeling pretty awful. Right now it seems to be a sore throat and a "sick feeling." This usually turns into a chest cold for me so lets hope it doesn't this time.

Last Friday Shawn and I got an unwelcome surprise in the form of a knock on our front door at 6a.m. It was our neighbor to tell us that his car and ours had been broken into over the night. They didn't steal anything from our neighbor's car but they did however steal our digital camera which we stupidly left in the car. I was so upset! It wasn't a cheap camera, it was a $600 camera! It still had the pictures from our day trip as well as several belly pictures. Images that I will never get back again. We did file a claim with our homeowners insurance but we have a $500 deductible so we only got less than $100 back for the camera. So now we have no camera at all! Luckily, MIL will let us borrow her small digital camera. All in all, I'm glad they didn't break into our house but it still pisses me off!

Well, that's about it for now!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

24 Weeks & 6 Years

No, I don’t mean it has been 6 years since I have posted (although it seems like it.) Again, I apologize for the lack of posting. I have been so busy at work and exhausted by the time that I get home that I haven’t had much energy to sit down and type a post. Nothing exciting is going on here, same old same old. We hit 24 weeks yesterday! I had a bit of a stomach virus yesterday so I had to call out of work. I ended up sleeping all day and I feel better now. Baby Noah is moving around like crazy and his kicks are getting stronger and stronger. I have noticed his “busy time” seems to be in the evening from about 7 to 11 p.m. he kicks during the day but is really active at night. I hope this is no indication of his sleep pattern when he is born but I have a feeling it is. Shawn is now able to feel him move from the outside and he gets the most amazed look on his face when he does. It is so cute! I have also noticed that he prefers the left side and sometimes when he sleeps my belly is lopsided to the left! My blood sugars are doing okay. We have had to continue to adjust the insulin and will probably have to do so throughout the whole pregnancy but the doctor said even though my levels are higher than normal they are still pretty good compared to other people. At my last appointment I asked my OB what the future holds as far as any tests that need to be done. She said that I will have a growth u/s every 3 weeks to make sure baby isn’t getting too big or not growing enough. We will continue to do them every 3 weeks unless they notice he is not growing properly and then they will do them more often. I will also be doing an NST at every visit from here on out to check on baby’s well being. I’m not sure what this entails so if anyone has had one and wants to share their experiences let me know. I can’t believe how close we are to the third trimester! I hope and pray that everything continues to go as well as it has been. I know it hasn’t been perfect but I’ll take it!

I also found out my shower date is November 22nd! I am so excited! My MIL let me look over the guest list and she is inviting about 70 people! My bridal shower was huge and it was loads of fun so I am sure the baby shower will be the same. Someone or several someones have already purchased our entire nursery set! I told my MIL that the shower doesn’t need to be co-ed but I want it to be a shower for both Shawn and I. I want Shawn to be a part of it because it is just as much his baby as it is mine. Plus, if there is going to be 60-70 people there I will need help opening gifts. I also told my MIL that I will help her make the center pieces. She is planning on doing a diaper cake with a different theme for each of the tables. She showed me the invites (there isn’t much about this shower that is a surprise but that’s the way I wanted it) and they are Noah’s Arc theme, too cute! I suggested the diaper lottery as a game (each person bring a pack of diapers and enters their guess for the birth date and wins a prize if they get it right) but my MIL wants to do the thing where you ask people to bring books instead of cards. I would much rather have the diapers than the books but she is planning the shower so I didn’t say anything. Either way it will be great and I love to read so I will have lots to read to the baby.

Shawn and I celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary on September 14th. That also marked 6 years since we began trying to have a baby. We didn’t really do much to celebrate and we never get each other gifts. We did take a day trip this Saturday and that was nice. First we went to Arlington cemetery and took some pictures of some of my family member’s graves for my family tree. Then we went to Mt. Vernon (the place where Washington lived and is now buried) and toured the house and the grounds. It was nice to get out of the house for a change. This weekend will be an in the house weekend though because our house is a mess due to my laziness and needs a serious cleaning! We also need to start emptying out Noah’s room to shampoo the carpets and clean out the closet so when the furniture arrives we will have somewhere to put it. Right now the room serves as storage and the “litter box room.”

Well, that’s about it for now, I wish I had more to say. I will definitely try to post more often. If you could, let me know you are still reading so I know I still have some readers out there somewhere!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

22 Weeks & Ultrasound Results

Wow, we had a busy day today! We had two different ultrasounds done today. For the first ultrasound we had to travel to the University of Maryland Fetal Care Center to have the fetal echo done. Noah was his usual anwry self and was stubborn when it came to showing the tech what she needed to see. But after a stern talking to from me (and me doing a couple of jumping jacks for good measure) he finally decided to behave. The tech said that all of his little parts look perfect and his heart looks perfect too! He is still currently breech, sitting head up, feet down. His little head is up by my belly button and his little feet, ankles crossed, are sitting directly on my cervix (which explains the pain when he kicks.) We also learned that he weighs one pound! The second ultrasound that we had was at Kaiser and was a follow-up to the "big" ultrasound. This tech was much much nicer and did let Shawn in the room. She also explained everything she saw and what she was doing. Noah was wired during this ultrasound and moved all over the place! He kicked me several times in the cervix during the ultrasound which made me jump off the table and scare the crap out of the ultrasound tech. He waved his little hand at us and let us see his little fingers and his little feet (too cute!) He also let all three techs that looked at him see his "boy parts" so he is definitely a boy! I will have to go back to the Fetal Care Center every month for ultrasounds to keep track of his growth but for now everything looks perfect. Anyway, I know you really came here to see pictures so here they are:
This first one is a picture of his "boy parts." It was much clearer when they were showing it on the screen but you get the idea.
This one is a picture of his face looking forward. You can see his little eye sockets and nose.


This one is a picture of his little legs and feet. You can see his thigh to the right of your screen and his little ankle and feet to the left. Too cute!



This one is one of my favorites! This is a picture of one of his little legs and foot. He was hugging the placenta like a pillow and if you look closely you can see his little fingers too!



This is a profile shot. Hopefully this one is self explanatory.

This is another profile shot. If you look closely you can see that his mouth is slightly open almost like he is smiling, you can also see a little leg too!

Here is one more profile shot of the little one with his arm above his head.

What else can I say ladies, I am so in love!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

21 Weeks Down, 19 to Go!

Wow, I can’t believe we are already half way through this pregnancy. Sometimes when I look back it seems that it has taken forever and other times it seems like it has flown by. So you’re probably wondering what I have been up to lately? I’m not even sure if I have any readers left, I have been a crappy blogger and I know it. It’s hard because I am no longer doing treatments and I don’t have anything to talk about other than the pregnancy. Do all of you continually want to hear about that? My life just isn’t that exciting right now. However, in the event that you do care about my boring existence (and I hope someone does) here is what has been going on with me:

I’m feeling okay other than the back issues which I expect to have throughout the whole pregnancy. I have been feeling baby Noah kick stronger and stronger. Since about 19 weeks it went from teenie tiny taps to thumps. I still can’t feel him from the outside but I can’t really be sure because he never kicks in the same spot twice. He is a busy bee! I can’t wait until Shawn can feel it! It is the most amazing feeling in the world and I am in awe every single time that there is a living being inside of me. It feels so odd to feel something moving inside of you. I also think he likes to sleep curled up on the left side because I can often feel stretching or tightening on the left side and then I will have a small hard lump on my left side.

As far as the GD goes my sugars have been running a little high for my fasting sugars and also the one after breakfast. I saw my OB on Friday and he bumped up my insulin in the evening and also added 5 units to the mornings right before I eat. So now I am up to 2 shots a day. Not fun but I’m not complaining because I am thankful that everything else seems to be going well. I have to get a special ultrasound done on September 10th called a fetal echo. I believe it is an ultrasound specifically to look at the baby’s heart. The reason I have to get the ultrasound done is because of the GD. I am hoping that they look at other parts of the baby as well because I really want some updated pictures and a confirmation that he really is a boy since our “big” ultrasound was nothing but a “big” disappointment. I will feel much better when I know all is well with his heart because he has never been in a favorable position for them to check out his little heart.

I had my first (and hopefully last) unexpected visit to the L&D at 19w6d. I began having some tightening pains throughout the day that were becoming increasingly painful. I called my OB around 4:30 and they said that because they were about to close I had to go to L&D. They hooked me up to a contraction monitor and although I could continually feel the pains nothing at all was showing up on the monitor so I have no idea what the pains were and I haven’t had them since. They also did an internal (I HATE these things, they are painful as hell!) which showed my cervix was still nice and closed. They did a quickie u/s just to check the baby’s heartbeat. I didn’t get to see anything except for cute little feet and a beating heart. The most annoying part of the whole visit was waiting in the waiting room with a young couple who had to be the most annoying people in the world. I didn’t feel good and really didn’t feel like “chatting it up” with a pregnant college co-ed and her annoying boyfriend. She was there because her “calves hurt.” The boyfriend was asking us all kinds of questions and it took everything I had to not tell them to take their fertile asses over to the corner and leave me the hell alone. They acted like they were on a trip to the zoo or something, “oh, look at this” “look at that.” In the end I’m glad it all turned out fine and I hope that the next time I am there is not until baby is ready to come out.

I also found myself on “the other side of the fence” recently. It wasn’t so long ago that the sight of a pregnant woman would send me into an emotional tailspin and unfortunately I was the source of someone else’s pain recently. Shawn and I met some friends at the Fair a couple of weeks ago and Shawn’s friend’s wife’s sister (you got that all that right?) When we were walking around the sister suddenly burst into tears and rushed off. We had no idea why she was upset and I didn’t find out until about a week later. Apparently the sister and her husband were recently told that the only way they could have a baby was to do IVF. I don’t know the specifics but I do know it had something to do with her husband. Apparently my pregnancy made her upset and she had to rush off. No one in her family knew anything about them having problems conceiving and didn’t find out until they questioned her about why she was upset. It made me sad to know that my pregnancy could cause someone else pain. I guess I just always assumed that somehow because it took us so long that people would automatically know. Maybe I should get a tattoo or wear a shirt?

Lastly, we finally ordered our nursery furniture. We went back up to the Amish store and ordered it. It is made of oak and will be hand made just for our little one! They said it will be ready in 10-12 weeks which I think is perfect timing.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Registry Madness Leads to Pregnant Woman's Confusion

Hello there! Once again I have been a bad blogger and for that I apologize! Every time I think I have a blog entry planned out I sit down to type and I forget everything I was going to say. I am doing fine, baby Noah is doing fine. I had a doctor’s appointment on Friday and I made sure to tell the NP (both OBs were on vacation) how awful the u/s tech was and how I did not want to go back to him. His report still wasn’t in on Friday nor was it in yesterday so I need to wait for his report to come in so that my OB can order a follow-up u/s. The NP also told me that I will need to get a special ultrasound called a fetal echo. Some sort of ultrasound on the baby’s heart due to the fact that I am on insulin. I am supposed to call and schedule that today. The u/s will be done at University of Maryland Hospital by someone specifically trained to do these types of u/s. I also asked if there was any possibility that I would be allowed to come in every 4 weeks like “normal” pregnant women as opposed to every 2 weeks. The NP, as well as the nurse I spoke to yesterday, told me that I will most likely continue to come in every 2 weeks because I am high risk (I really HATE that phrase.) The nurse also told me that starting at 27 weeks I will have to come in every 2 weeks anyway. So it looks like I will be seeing a lot of my doctor over the next few months.

We registered on Saturday! It was way more overwhelming than I expected. Mainly in the feeding department. There are so many choices about which bottles to use that we got totally confused. We ended up scanning all of the ones we liked and then going home and reading the reviews and narrowing it down.

I also noticed that registering brought out all kinds of assvice from people I didn’t know. One woman saw me looking at slings in BRU and told me that a sling is a waste of money because her baby didn’t like it. I just smiled and nodded and scanned the sling. Just because her baby didn’t like it doesn’t mean mine won’t. Another lady came up to me and told me I MUST get this specific type of stroller. Again I just smiled and walked away. I mean seriously, am I the only person who doesn’t feel comfortable going up to strangers and telling them what to do? All in all it was a fun experience but I’m still not sure if we picked the right items. I figure we have some time yet before people start buying things off of the registry so we can make changes if we need to. If anyone has any free time and is interested in checking out our registries and letting me know what you think I would be grateful. You can go on BRU’s website and also on Baby Depot’s website and search “Morrisa Vollmerhausen” and you should find our registries. I’m not looking for anyone to lecture me about why I shouldn’t use a sling, or that a swing is a waste of money because your baby didn’t like it. I know all babies are different and my baby may hate something that someone else’s loved, or the other way around. What I am looking for is whether I missed anything, something that you used a lot that I didn’t think of, whether there is a particular type of product that I have on there that you had problems with…etc. I will leave you with a few specific questions about the registry and a question about doctor’s appointments.

-Breast pump- rent or buy?: I put two different breast pumps on the registry because I wasn’t sure which one I liked better but they are so expensive! The chances of anyone actually buying it off of the registry is pretty slim. So we will probably end up paying for one ourselves. My question is, is it better to rent one from the hospital or buy one? If we do end up renting one will I still need all of the accessories we registered for? Did I miss any accessories? For instance, they had nipple shields there, do I need that? What is the best type of storage for breast milk, there were so many different options? HELP!

-Bottle sterilizer or dishwasher?: For some reason I was under the assumption that you could wash bottles in the dishwasher, is this not true? We registered for a bottle sterilizer but do we really need it?

- Which type of bottle is best?: We registered for three different types of bottles, one we liked because it said it was like the breast but it didn’t have drop-ins and wasn’t BPA free as far as I can tell. We also registered for the Playtex drop-ins because I figured they would be easier to clean and I would only need to clean the nipples and could maybe even store the breast milk in the bags? The last ones were the Medula bottles that were the same brand as the pump. Any suggestions? What worked best for you or what did you register for?

- When did you start feeling definite stronger movements? I’m getting impatient! I’m still only feeling little flutters and very infrequently, really only once a day.

- Lastly, why do you need to be seen more often once you hit 27 weeks? What do they do that is different at those appointments as opposed to what they do now (Check HB, weight, BP, urine)?

I’m sure I have more questions but that is all I can think of for now. My next post coming up may be what I think about the contestants in the Big Brother House so far. Do I have any Big Brother fans reading?

P.S. 19 weeks tomorrow! I can’t believe we are almost ½ way there!

P.S.S. My one year blogoversary is in 5 days!!!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I can't think of a title...17w6d

Hmmm…where to start. Well, I am extremely glad that we got to have the u/s at the Genetic Center a couple of weeks ago because my experience yesterday for our “big u/s” was nothing like I imagined it to be. First and foremost let me reiterate what I have been saying ever since I started blogging, I HATE my insurance company. The whole experience was nothing like I expected it to be and was honestly flat out infuriating. Let me make a list of the reasons why the ultrasound experience sucked:

-They wouldn’t let Shawn come in the room with me! What ultrasound tech does not let the husband and father of the child in the room during the ultrasound?

- The tech was rude and very hard to understand with a thick accent. He was very to the point, didn’t describe anything he was doing unless I asked. He did things so quick and went zooming around I had no idea what was what.

- The ultrasound machine must have been manufactured in 1950 and the picture was so blurry I couldn’t even make anything out.

- The baby was sitting straight up, butt down facing my spine. Not my fault the position he is in, I guess he likes that position. He was in a similar position last time only he was facing forward. The tech repeatedly said things like “this baby is not cooperating” or “this baby is difficult.” First of all, this is the first time I became a bit defensive, don’t call my child “this baby,” makes him sound like some sort of animal or sub-human. He doesn’t know he is supposed to be posing for an ultrasound for crying out loud! He kept on saying “this is a difficult examination” and “I am not pleased.” We couldn’t get the baby to turn. He asked me to get up and walk around to see if he will turn. I told him I would but I didn’t think he would turn. He asked why and I told him because if this is my child he will be stubborn and if that’s where he wants to be then he will stay there until he decides to move, and I was right, he didn’t budge. I don’t blame him, the tech was pressing so hard on my belly I was crying out from pain. So basically the tech gave up. He measured a few things which all measured right on track (not because he told me but because I watched the calculations on the screen.) I asked him if he could peek between the legs and confirm it is a boy and he said the baby wasn’t in a good position. Hello? He had just got done taking a picture of his legs sticking straight out, but he couldn’t look between them? I asked him if he could at least try and he said no.

- He continually told me that 18 weeks is too early to do the ultrasound because the baby is too small. I told him he would have to talk to my doctor who put the order in for the u/s to be done between 16 and 18 weeks.

At the end he told me we could call Shawn in for a minute “but there is really nothing to see because ‘this baby’ isn’t cooperating.” So I said yes please call him in while I was trying to refrain from throwing the u/s monitor at his head. When Shawn came in the tech asked me if I was going to explain the “situation” to him. There was no “situation,” the baby was just not in a good position so we have to come back, no big deal. So he told us we have to come back in 4 weeks. So when I see my doctor on Friday I have to ask him to put another order in. And you better believe that I am not going back to that center or that tech and I will let me doctor know what an ass this guy was and how the policy to not allow my husband in the room makes no sense.

So anyway, we have no pictures because he wouldn’t give us any and the quality sucked anyway. But, I am not as upset as I would have been had we not had the earlier ultrasound. The tech at the Genetic Center said she was positive it was a boy so until we get our next u/s at 22 weeks we will assume it is a boy. I’m still registering on Saturday though. If for some odd reason it turns out to be a girl we will just switch the gender specific items on the registry to girl items. I’m actually kind of proud of our little baby, shows that he is stubborn just like his Mommy and doesn’t take crap from anyone. I was actually hoping he would give the tech the finger! So, no miraculous amazing big u/s story from me, but the important thing is that he is still in there, heart beating away, measuring right on track. I’m not really concerned about any issues with him structurally because the Genetic Center u/s was very detailed and everything was fine there. That’s all for now folks. If you have any advice for registering I’d be happy to hear it.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

And the Bad Blogger Award Goes to... (17w3d)

ME!! Yes, I know. I have been a bad blogger lately. In my defense though we had a huge filing to prepare at work which took up all of my time and left me exhausted when I got home. It's finally over so things should go back to normal now. Things have been going well so far. We actually have our original "big u/s" on Monday so we will get to see baby Noah again and verify that he is in fact a boy. Then next weekend we will be registering! I am actually so excited about registering! We have already been to Babies R Us twice just to see what they have. My shower isn't until November but family has been bugging us about where we are registered already. As for me I'm feeling okay. My blood sugar has been good but I am really struggling to satisfy my sweet tooth! I love to bake and I haven't had the urge to bake because I can't eat what I am good at baking. I have been looking up some recipes that use Splenda and I may try some of them but it still seems like they are loaded with carbs. My nipples (sorry if TMI) have been feeling very raw so we went to BRU and found a moisturizer made just for boobies! It helps a lot. Yesterday I found a little drop of something clear coming out of my nipple but I haven't seen anything since. The thing that has been giving me the most trouble is my back. I am sure I mentioned on here before that I have a herniated disc in my back. Well lately my back pain has been almost unbearable. I have always suffered with some mild back pain but now it hurts to walk sometimes. We went to the fair today to meet some friends and walk around a bit. After about only 2 hours of walking around my back and hip hurt terribly. It still hurts now! I am sure it is only going to get worse but if some back pain is the worst thing I will have to deal with during the remainder of this pregnancy then I will be thankful. As long as I can still walk I will be just fine! The most exciting thing that has been happening over the past week or so is that I think I am beginning to feel the baby move! IT just feels like tiny little taps on the inside of my belly. It doesn't happen regularly and I have to be sitting really still to feel it. I can't wait until I can feel him move more and I really can't wait until Shawn can feel it too. In fact, while I am sitting here I am feeling little taps, too cool! I still feel like this is all a dream or a sick joke and one day I will wake up and realize it isn't real. I'm not sure I will ever get over that feeling until I hold him in my arms and know that he is okay. The doppler has been a real blessing and I am so glad that we decided to get it. Not only does it help to calm my fears but it gives Shawn and I some great bonding time with baby. Someone asked about whether I would recommend other women to get the quad screen. Honestly, if I had to do it again I would not get it done. My recommendation is that if you would not terminate if something was wrong then I wouldn't get the test. For me, the test caused a lot of undue anxiety. But, we are all different and some people might feel like they want to know if there is a possibility if something is wrong. Anyway, I wish I had more to say but thankfully nothing has been going on lately. I will try to be a better blogger and a better commenter, I promise! I will also post again after our u/s on Monday and share pictures too!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Genetic Center Results (16w1d)

First of all, I apologize for not writing this blog post sooner. I didn’t get to work until 1:00 so I didn’t take a lunch. Anyway, when we arrived at the genetic center we first spoke with the genetic counselor, who seriously did not look old enough to be doing that job. She explained the results from our quad screen and went over exactly what DS is and what causes it. She explained that the quad screen is just a screen and not a diagnostic test. She went over our family history and explained that the only way to know for sure is to get an amnio which we declined. Then we went into the ultrasound room. They had a huge screen on the wall which showed everything so we didn’t have to stare at a little screen. She checked the baby from head to toe. Everything measured right on target and there were no markers for downs (cyst on brain, spot on heart, enlarged kidneys, enlarged bladder, etc.) Baby was wiggling all around (which I still can’t feel!) and drinking amniotic fluid (aka baby pee.) Baby was stubborn and sitting almost Indian style at first so I had to get up and go pee and shake things up a bit and then she was able to get the measurements she needed. We do need to go back in three weeks so she can look at the heart because baby is still a little too small for that. All in all I am extremely relieved and feel like I got the reassurance I needed. Obviously there is always some remote possibility that something could still be wrong but I am not interested in the amnio.

So, I suppose you are wondering whether we were able to get a look at the goods huh? We got a quick peek at first and then baby crossed its legs. After I got up to go pee the legs opened back up and we were able to get a pretty good look at the goods. And…I was right, we have ourselves a baby boy! We saw his little baby “pee pee” and are pretty confident it is a boy. The tech said it was definitely a boy so hopefully she is right. We still have our big u/s for the 11th so we will double check then. So, without further ado, let me introduce our little miracle Noah Michael Vollmerhausen.

Profile shot.

Front view (alien picture)


The “money” shot (this one is not of the "pee pee" itself, just his little "jewels".



We picked the name Noah because we just like the name. The name Michael is special to us both because Shawn and his dad’s middle name is Michael and my father’s name was Michael.

We did tell our parents the sex and we will tell our grandparents tonight then we will tell everyone else in the family/friends.

Thank you a million times over for all of your love and support. The past couple of days have truly been some of the roughest days in my life. I am a believer and I know that God would never give us more than we can handle and I will love this baby no matter what. Hugs and kisses to you all and let me know what you think of the name!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

16w0d & Quad Screen Results

I didn't really want to get the Quad Screen anyway because I have heard horror stories of people getting bad results and worrying over nothing, but I decided to do it anyway. And what do you know? My quad screen came back with a 1 in 39 chance of Downs. The other numbers were fine but because of this number I have to go to a genetic counselor and get a level 3 u/s at a genetic place. The good news is that we get to see our little Doozer TOMORROW! I'm scared to death! I will obviously love this baby no matter what and even if it does have downs I would never terminate, but I can't help but be upset over the possibilities. You always want your child to be perfect and when there is a chance that something may not be right it is devastating. I am hopeful that everything will be fine but I can't help but look at the numbers. Why is it so high? I'm not over 35 so that didn't factor into it. So anyway, I am a mess these past 2 days since hearing the results. We go tomorrow at 10 a.m. to meet with the genetics center and to get the u/s. Please, if you pray, please send a quick prayer our way for the health of our little one.

Friday, July 25, 2008

15w2d

Hello there! I bet you thought I fell off the face of the earth? Nope, I’m still here and all is well. I guess I owe an explanation as to why I had to go invite only huh? It had nothing to do with the comments we received from the article, I knew that was going to happen and didn’t let it get to me. A bit of background first:

I have a co-worker who we will call Nark. Meaning she squeals on everyone for everything. I had previously provided her a link to my old blog which I have since deactivated so that when you visit it it will direct you to this blog. I also disabled the old blog so that you cannot find it by searching since I knew people might be searching for my blog since the article referenced the name but didn’t link to the blog. (Hopefully I’m making sense so far.) So, to make a long story short Nark had been visiting my blog every day since the article came out. How do I know? For one I knew by checking my Site Meter, for two, I know because she said something to my co-worker about one of blog entries being “tmi” (the one about my swollen parts.) I mean it is a pregnancy site right? I didn’t say anything because I knew that since the article was out everyone I knew would be able to find my blog if they cared to do so. So, on Friday afternoon Nark comes into my office and tells me that one of the partners is surfing my blog (gee I wonder who forwarded them the link?). While I didn’t think they would be interested I wasn’t too concerned. Then the partner I work for calls me into his office and tells me that they are concerned about my internet use because some of the timestamps on my blog and during work and non-lunch hours. I explained to him that the timestamps are incorrect because some of them say 5 a.m. and I am never up that early. He insisted that I must be blogging during work time and that they don’t even want me blogging at all on their computer because I am “publishing something.” I told him that wasn’t fair because what about other people who went on MySpace and posted at work? He said “blogging is different.” I told him while I agree that I shouldn’t be blogging on work time (and I never was) I don’t think it is fair to monitor what I do during my lunch with making my blog a specific target and not anyone else. He agreed that I could blog on my lunch and before work. I left feeling pretty ticked off that they would peruse my blog for the purpose of trying to find something that I may have done wrong. Then when I got home I checked my Site Meter because I was curious about how long they spent on there and what they were looking at. I found that they had been on my blog for over 2 hours, read almost every single post including the comments, AND did a search for the word “boss.” I was really pissed by this point. I really felt like they were looking really hard to find something to implicate me in some way. I was hurt that they accused me of blogging on company time and wouldn’t even consider the fact that the time stamps might be wrong. I am sure that Nark directed them to my blog with the sole intention to get me into trouble. I was hurt that I forwarded the article to everyone I knew because I was proud and they turned it around and used it to try to get me into trouble. So, I decided to go invite only. It has never been brought up again and I am over it for the most part. And can you believe that Nark had the nerve to ask me for an invite? So anyway, that is why I went invite only so that my job does not continue to use the blog as an investigation tool.

Anyway. I have been doing okay. I am 15w2d today! I had been having some pain in my lower pelvic area for a couple of days and suspected it might be a UTI so I headed over to the OB on Thursday. Sure enough I was right. So now I am taking antibiotics to clear that up. It feels better but not totally better yet. I am also having some pretty painful RLP. My doctor also commented about my swollen ankles again on Thursday. My ankles have been swelling every single day. My blood pressure was great so at least we don’t have to worry about that for now. She did say that with the PCOS I am at higher risk for preeclampsia and so she wants me to do the 24 hour urine test this weekend. The thought of peeing in a jug and keeping it in my fridge totally grosses me out. I’m kind of confused as to why she wants me to do the test but something about finding a baseline. She also had to bump up my evening insulin from 20 to 25 because my morning sugars are getting high again. All of this combined sent me into kind of a panic mode Thursday night. I was angry at my body because of the PCOS and how even now that I am pregnant I can’t be “normal.” It made me terrified to think of everything that could go wrong. I don’t trust my body at all and that scares me. I’m scared that the swelling is somehow an omen that my blood pressure will get out of control at some point. I love this baby so much and I am doing everything in my power to keep it safe and healthy. I am dealing with this horrible diabetes diet that forces me to eat things I don’t like, I am sticking myself in the stomach every single night and will continue to have to do so until I deliver, I am following everything the doctor tells me to do. Still I don’t trust my body. I just wanted to be a normal pregnant woman but I can’t even do that. I am not complaining, I promise. I know how incredibly blessed I am to be here. I also know that God had a hand in creating this baby and I can only hope and pray that He will help me keep it safe.

Anyway, I guess that is about it for now. I really hope you all continue to comment and read even though I have gone invite only and I hope that you understand why I felt I had to do so. I love each and every one of you and want to thank you for all of your love and support, I could never do this without you.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Going Password Protected

I really didn't want to have to do this. I always said I wouldn't go password protected because I wanted anyone to be able to find my blog. I knew when I accepted the interview with the Baltimore Sun that family and friends would then have access to my blog but I thought it was a small price to pay for the chance to raise awareness about infertility. I also knew that when I forwarded the article to my work that it would allow people at my work to access my blog as well. But I wanted people to know about the article, and thought they would be proud that I was doing something good. It turns out that by doing so that I have somehow opened myself up to some untrue and hurtful accusations. So I will be going password protected starting sometime before Wednesday. For the benefit of those that know me personally, and that I know are reading because I have a tracker that tells me (and I even know which pages you are viewing and the search terms you are using), I am not going password protected so that I can talk about you or any other reason other than it is obvious that people that I know personally are way too interested in my blog. I apologize if this makes it difficult for anyone using a reader, as I know that readers will not track password protected blogs, however I don't see another choice. So please e-mail me at ravenschic@verizon.net if you would like an invitation to my blog. You must tell me your name (first only) and your e-mail address as well as if you have a blog. Again, I really hope this does not cause me to lose readers but I feel it is the best option for me at this time.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Ob Visit

Two posts in one day, whoa! Just wanted to update everyone on my OB visit today. Doctor said I am doing great with my blood sugars and that I can now come in every 2 weeks instead of every week (I had no idea I would be going to the OB so much this early.) Baby is good, h/b was 155. He told me I have some edema in my ankles (I didn’t notice it) but when I left and had to walk back to my building in the heat my hands swelled again. I told the doctor about my hands swelling and he didn’t seem concerned. He also told me I don’t have to sleep on my left side. He said they usually only tell that to patients who have babies that aren’t growing correctly. He said you will know if your uterus is pressing on any arteries and if I start to feel lightheaded while lying on my back obviously switch to the side. I’m happy about that because it is much more comfortable to sleep on my back for now. But the most exciting news is that we have our big u/s scheduled! On August 11th at 5:30 p.m. we will hopefully find out if Doozer is a boy or a girl! I can’t wait and I am so excited! I added a countdown thingie on the side but I can’t figure out how to resize it. Oh well…

14 Weeks & Assvice

Okay folks, back to business as usual. Today is 14 weeks! Yay Doozer! Doozer is still doing well as far as I can tell. We still listen to the h/b every single night and it still brings me great joy to hear it. How am I feeling at 14 weeks? I'm not sick in the mornings any more. I still feel incredibly hungry in the mornings and I will occasionally gag if I don't eat but no puking. I am not as tired and have some more energy. Not a lot more energy but some. I am having what the doctor told me is round ligament pain. I am very sore feeling when I walk on the inside of my legs right between my legs. I also feel like I have to pee more now than I did before. I thought the uterus was supposed to rise but it seems to still be squishing my little bladder. I am having a horrible time trying to sleep. I am coughing because of allergies, it gives me a dry throat feeling. On top of that I have to get up every hour to pee (I'm not kidding) and I read in my books that I am now not supposed to sleep on my back but on my side because it could cut off the blood circulation to the baby. Well I am a back-sleeper so this has been very difficult for me. I go to sleep on my side but wake up on my back. So I am constantly waking up to reposition myself on my side. I also found something new last night. This part might be a little too TMI but oh well. For the past couple of days I have felt like there is something between my legs that doesn't belong. I took a mirror and looked last night and my lips down there look bigger. They look like they hand lower and are slightly larger. I am assuming this is a pregnancy thing but I'm going to ask my doctor just to be sure. Sorry for the TMI. :) Also, on Saturday we went to an outdoor party and I was outside in the heat from 2:00 until about 8:00. Towards the end of the day I noticed my hands and fingers were swollen. My fingers were so swollen that my "fake bling ring" (because I can't fit my real rings on) was tight. My ankles weren't swollen though. Then I figured it was about time to get out of the heat. I am assuming all of these things are normal pregnancy things but I will ask my OB at my blood sugar appointment today. Hopefully this will be my last weekly appointment since I my sugars are doing so well. Also, no more spotting which is great!

Now on to the assvice portion of my post. Here is a little background first: I am well aware of what I am not supposed to eat and drink during pregnancy. I have spoken to my doctor and I feel confident eating turkey sandwiches from my favorite deli because I am familiar with them and have been eating there for a while. I also allow myself one caffeinated drink per day. the reason I do this is because I cannot have anything with sugar like sprite or anything that doesn't have caffeine. I LOVE diet soda and since I can't have any sweets which I also love I treat myself and allow myself to have one diet soda a day. So, at this party I was enjoying my diet Pepsi for the day. A lady comes up to me later on (someone I don't even know) and starts out by saying "I was deciding on whether I should say something to you or not..." We all know as soon as someone utters those words that means that they are going to spew useless information and assvice that is none of their business. So while I has the urge to advise her that she shouldn't say anything if she had to think about whether it was appropriate to say it I kept my mouth shut. She proceeded to tell me how I shouldn't be drinking caffeine while I am pregnant and when she saw me drinking the diet soda she was "concerned." I explained to her (I really didn't need to explain but I did anyway) that I had discussed it with my doctor and that I was allowing myself to have one caffeinated drink a day. I mean seriously, maybe if I was drinking a beer or something she may have had a right to say something, but I just really thought it was odd. So I guess that makes me a horrible Mommy for drinking on caffeinated drink a day, for shame!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Price of Fame

Seriously, I'm just kidding about the fame part. But seriously, I have been checking out the comments to the article in the Sun and I am shocked to see the stupidity of some of the commentors. It is not a surprise to me in the least, I knew that taking a chance and putting our story out there would get some not-so-nice comments. I am still so amazed at some of the things that people say, or should I say "type." I am obviously not going to continue to defend my feelings to these ignorant people, especially on the Sun website, but I will address some of their comments, just for the sheer fun of it. Lets start with:

"Screw them. There are too many people in the world as it is. " I'm not even sure this deserves a response.

"If they're leaving it in God's hands to carry the pregnancy full-term, then why did they choose to have science intervene to get pregnant in the first place?" Not sure how these relate to each other. I was always leaving everything to do with our IF and treatments in God's hands. However, leaving it in God's hands does not mean that we can't pursue treatment created by doctors who are created by God. With this type of logic should we choose to forgo all medical treatment (cancer treatment, surgery, etc.) to leave it in God's hands? If I get an infection should I leave it in God's hands to clear it up instead of taking the medication?

"Perhaps infertile couples should get a clue and take their infertility as a sign that they weren't meant to have biological babies." This is ridiculous. I do not believe that infertility should be taken as a sign that someone is not meant to be a biological parent.

"Then they could pour the same amount of time, money and effort into adopting a needy kid or animal." WHAT? Are you suggesting I go and adopt a puppy? You can't be serious. I'm an animal lover but it is not the same thing. As for adopting a child, I have nothing against adoption. In fact, we almost went with adoption instead of IVF. I wish people read up on adoption before they go suggesting it as an alternative to infertility treatment. Adoption is an expensive and long process as many of you know, it is not a decision to be made lightly. Plus, why do these people care what I do with my time, money or effort? If they think there are so many needy kids out there maybe they should "just adopt" as well.

"These people are incredibly selfish." Hmmm...are we selfish because we spent all of our savings, went through years of testing and procedures, shots, heartaches, all to bring a child into the world? To me that seems like one of the most selfless things that someone can do. Come and talk to me again when you have had the pleasure of submitting yourself to countless embarrassing physical exams, giving yourself injections in the a$$ every single night, etc., all for the love of a child that you have never met. Then you have a right to judge.

"Well, if a baby is going to solve all these people's woes then I feel bad for the kid and all the pressure that's already being put on it." Not sure where the article said this. Obviously becoming pregnant won't solve all of our woes. But part of this statement is true. We have an amazing marriage, a wonderful family, two beautiful kitties, a nice house, jobs...etc. The only thing missing in our lives is a baby. There is no pressure, baby is already loved more that he/she could ever imagine.

"Sometimes nature, God, whatever higher power you believe in is trying to tell us something, and I think that something is that not all humans are meant to breed." Yes, lets hope this person does not breed.

"The fact that we are now obsessing over getting preggers and blogging about every neurotic thought or medical procedure speaks volumes about how empty some folks lives really are." Can I tell you how much I hate the word preggers? Sounds like something a 13 year old would say.

"We are not on this planet just to procreate, and parenthood is not going to solve all these people's problems in life. It's kinda scary and sad." Once again, not sure where he/she/it got the idea that parenthood would solve all of our problems.

Now I feel better. Once again, I knew that this would draw some negative comments and that's okay. We all have a right to our opinion, no matter how pigheaded it may be. I just hope that somewhere out this article touched someone today, and helped them know that they aren't alone. If it did it was worth it to me.

No Autographs Please...

He he, well, here's the article in the Baltimore Sun I was telling you about. I think the article is great and it features a few other IF Bloggers too. Unfortunately the online version doesn't show the photo. It's kind of a goofy photo anyway. But if you want to see the photo and you live in the area you can see the entire article in the Today section of the Baltimore Sun. What do you think?

Friday, July 11, 2008

Little Scare

Well I had a tiny scare this morning. When I woke up this morning and wiped I was spotting. I called the doctor's office just to let them know since I had an appointment at 10:30 anyway. They told me to lay down until it was time to leave and drink water. Of course I was worried and I made Dh get out the doppler to listen to baby. When we found baby (which never takes long now) I felt a bit better but still worried. When I got to the doctor he did the exam and stuck one of those jumbo q-tips in my cervix to make sure it was closed, which it was. When he pulled it out it was filled with blood. He showed it to me and told me that the membrains in my cervix are very close to the surface of my cervix and are bleeding. It doesn't hurt the baby, baby is fine with a h/b in the 150's, but he said it is something that could continue to make me bleed throughout the entire pregnancy. He used silver nitrate to "burn" the membrains to keep them from bleeding. When I heard him say he was going to burn them I was a little concerned. I pictured him with a blow torch frying my cervix to a crisp! But, he used these things that looked like long matches. It didn't hurt, I didn't feel it at all but he told me I may have some cramping which I am. He said hopefully this will take care of it so that I wont bleed anymore. I was told to go home and stay off of my feet today to give my cervix a chance to heal. He was pleased with my blood sugars so I will stay on the same does of the insulin and go back again next week. I am chilling out on the couch now resting. I am cramping but I'm trying to not let it bother me. I am still spotting a bit when I wipe but he said I would today. So, we had a small scare but overall it wasn't bad. I hope this is the biggest scare we get!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Poll

I added a Poll to my side bar for you to put in your guesses if you think Doozer is a boy or a girl. We have plenty of time so keep the guesses coming.

Dear Doozer

Dear Doozer,

This is your Mommy. You probably can’t hear my voice quite yet but I read that in the next couple of weeks you will be able to hear me talking! I already talk to you a lot anyway though. Mommy is so excited to finally be in the second trimester! Mommy has been trying to read a lot of books and information to learn all about you and how you are growing. Mommy is also trying very hard to take good care of herself and be healthy and strong. The doctor tells Mommy that she has gestational diabetes which means that Mommy has to be careful what she eats, monitor her blood sugar, and give herself an insulin shot every night. Don’t worry though, Mommy is used to giving herself shots (wait until Mommy and Daddy tell you all they went through to get you here) and it doesn’t hurt.

Mommy and Daddy listen to your little heartbeat every single night. It is the highlight of my day and I look forward to it all day. Your little heart beats so fast, it sounds like a galloping horse! Mommy especially loves to hear you kick with the Doppler. It makes Mommy & Daddy giggle to hear you kick and move around. Mommy can’t feel your kicks yet but I am sure waiting for that moment. Every once in a while I try to sit really still and see if I can feel any “flutters” but I haven’t felt anything yet. That’s okay though, it’s still early and in the next few weeks Mommy will hopefully begin to feel you move.

I can’t wait for you to meet your Daddy. I know you are going to love him! Daddy puts his hand on my belly every morning and every night and tells you how much he loves you. Your Daddy is the most amazing man, a wonderful husband, and I know he will be an amazing father. He takes such good care of me and you. Your Daddy has the most gentle and kind touch and strong loving arms that I know will hold you tight whenever you need it. Your Daddy is so silly and full of life, just like big kid! Daddy makes Mommy smile and giggle when she needs it and I know he will do the same for you. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if your first smile is reserved especially for your Daddy!

Mommy has been thinking a lot about whether you are a boy or a girl. Just a few more weeks until we can find out! Mommy and Daddy think you are a boy (just a feeling) but we don’t care either way. We will be happy no matter what! Just continue to grow healthy and strong. Little miracle, there are so many people who already love you and can’t wait to meet you. Please continue to grow healthy and strong so you can come and meet your Mommy & Daddy who have waited so long for you! I love you!

Love,

Mommy