Friday, May 16, 2008
Doom & Gloom
Yup, that’s pretty much how I am feeling. The rain today doesn’t help. I am so sick of rain! I know I said I probably would post before my beta results but last night I started having a horrible feeling that something is wrong. I still feel that way today. It’s almost like I am certain that they are going to call and tell me my numbers didn’t rise like they should and then I am going to have to go through beta hell just to find out that we lost the baby. I really don’t know why I feel this way but I have convinced myself that it is some sort of intuition. I really hope I am wrong. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks (which started when my father passed away) and I haven’t taken my meds since I got my BFP because I don’t know if they are safe. I am hoping that has a lot to do with my doom & gloom feeling. I know I should try to be positive but I can’t seem to get there. I was feeling so positive for a while and then last night it all changed. I am terrified of hearing exactly what I feel in my heart they are going to say. I know stress can’t be good for my Doozer and for that reason I am really trying but it isn’t working. Do I really have a reason to worry? They told me my beta rose over what they wanted to see 66%, I’m not bleeding or having any unusual cramps or anything like that. So why am I so certain that something is wrong? I am asking for an unusual favor, usually I don’t want people to tell me I am wrong, but today I need reassurance that I should not be so worried. I mean, I know something could go wrong at any time, I will never forget that, but I want to be reassured that these feelings are not some psychic intuitions or anything like that (not that I really believe in that sort of thing.) I am really hoping this is caused by a combination of the normal stress that comes along with waiting for beta results and the fact that I haven’t taken my medication. So why am I still so terrified? Please don’t think I’m crazy, I promise you I am not a raving lunatic or anything like that.
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11 comments:
After all we go through to get a BFP it is no wonder that you are paranoid. Please try to relax, as you said you have no negative symptoms. Focus on that-try and take deep breaths to force yourself to relax. Everything looks great so far and as your blog says you are "In God's Hands"
Prayers and hopes are with you!
Amy
Oh, Mo... First of all - (((hugs))). Second of all - I think what you "think you know in your heart" is being impacted by your overstimulated brain and the bad weather. Everything is and will continue to be fine. Doozer is growing and happy. You are fine.
I'm surprised that your RE didn't go over all medications beforehand so that you know what you can and cannot take. My BFF suffers from terrible anxiety and has been on medication for years - she continued taking it through her pregnancy this year - otherwise she cannot function. So definitely find out - it's hard to have so many thoughts on your mind - your situation is exciting and stressful on its own, without the added "help" of not taking your meds.
Things are great. I know it in my heart, I know it with my whole soul that Doozer is fine. I know your beta results will show a nice rise today. I know you and Shawn are meant to have your beautiful child. I know it. Hang in there, things will get better.
Well, first of all, I've never been pregnant, BUT...
I know that pregnancy puts a tremendous amount of stress on you physically & emotionally. Even though you're not "that far" (haha) along, it still will affect ya.
Also, infertility & that IVF cycle & your OHSS increases your stress. Then add not taking your meds & your body is going through a change in hormones...
All that doesn't really help when you're feeling who you feel. But, please, don't be so doom & gloom! That increases the stress! LOL. Take the day off, have some ice cream, go home & sleep so you don't think about it... then the call from the doctor will wake you up telling you that the beta was good again! :)
Thinking of you, girl!
I am praying for you. Not only for a great beta, but for peace. You are right that things can go wrong at any time, but if that is always your first thought, you won't enjoy this pregnancy. I can't wait to hear you number.
Unfortunately I felt like this through the entire 1st tri and everything has worked out perfectly! It's just really hard and I think you are normal.
You are NOT a raving lunatic...you're newly pregnant after IF...it messes with the sanest of heads. I went on the whole "I'm excited, I'm scared" teeter-totter for the entire first tri and am still having trouble with it. So as much as it sucks to feel this way, you're completely normal
(I also have past anxiety issues and go through periods where things are great and others where I have a really hard time imagining the worst).
Fingers crossed for a nice high number so you can enjoy your weekend (and your baby to be)
Oh sweetie...I am praying Peace for you...I know it is so hard not to be anxious...I think it is just the normal being pregnant worring especially after everything you have been through to get here..plus the combination of the lack of meds...hopefuly the doctor can offer some advice and other medication that isn't harmful to the baby while you are pregnant...can't wait for your update about the beta....RISE RISE RISE baby!!!!! Hang in sweetie and know that you are in all our thoughts!!!!!
69% beta rise is Wonderful (some clinics consider anything above 50 -60 % rise Normal), along with no cramping or bleeding, things are looking Great for you and your baby.Your feelings sure are understandable given the hormones flooding through your system, stopping your meds, and everything else. Great suggestion from Agata about checking w/your RE re.meds safe during pregnancy. Wishing you all the best for a Very Happy & Healthy pregnancy.
you are doing what a mind suffering from IF for yrs does. always expects bad news. Hang in there - we are here for you
Congrats Mo - Aggie shared the good news with a bunch of oldies and I am thrilled to bits to hear of your long overdue BFP. Hope your beta numbers continue to rock and that you have a nice easy pregnancy!!!
Izzy
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