5w5d

He he, I know, very creative title but I can’t think of a better title. I am having a lot of trouble coming up with something to post lately. It’s not that I don’t have a lot to say, I could probably write a book. It’s just that at what point do you get tired of reading about my worries and fears? I have to admit, after Friday’s beta I do feel much better and more relaxed. But as our first u/s approaches I am beginning to worry again. I am so worried that they are not going to see anything or that there will be something wrong. I am sure these are probably normal fears. I wish I felt more “p-word” (I go back and forth about using the actual word.) Last week I had some cramping every day, now I don’t really have cramps at all except for maybe every once in a while. I don’t feel sick or anything, I do feel “different” sometimes but nothing too odd. I am very tired, mostly around 7 p.m. Other than that I don’t really have any symptoms. I’m trying not to worry over my lack of symptoms either, but once again, I am. But at least I no longer have a sense of impending doom. This probably due to the fact that my RE told me to begin taking my anxiety meds again. Now, I feel a bit of hope creeping in still mixed with some fear. I have noticed that I am very “bloated.” I seriously doubt this is due to Doozer, who is miniscule right now, and can’t possibly be causing my belly to grow already. I think it is more likely that my ovaries are getting larger again. But, at any rate I am finding my pants extremely uncomfortable and very very tight. What do I do? Obviously I don’t need maternity pants nor would I ever purchase them now, but I need to do something. Wearing extremely tight pants is not comfortable at all! I thought about buying a bella band or something like it but once again, to me that falls under maternity clothes category and will most likely jinx me! So what do I do? It seems silly to go out and buy a bunch of bigger sized pants when hopefully soon I will need maternity clothes. I am already a chubby girl, and I already had to buy a bigger pants size once we started IVF, now I can’t fathom having to buy yet another bigger size! Those of you that had some chub around the middle (I have the classic PCOS belly), did you start expanding much quicker? What did you do to accommodate the bloat before you actually needed maternity clothes? Should I just suck it up and get the bella band or get some bigger pants?

In other news, I survived church on Sunday! I was so worried about going to church because it would be the first day I saw everyone since we shared our news. Since we have been so open it has been both a blessing and a curse. It has been a blessing because we have received many kind words and prayers and I believe that we have raised awareness in our community about IF. It has been a curse because we were forced to tell everyone way earlier than I ever would have told anyone. I was nervous about going to church because everyone was so excited about hearing our results I thought for sure they would attack me as soon as I walked in the door. But everyone was very nice, I did get a lot of “how are you feeling” and lots of “congratulations” but no attacks!

Our weekend was wonderful! Friday Dh and I just hung around the house and relaxed. Saturday we woke up early and went to Bob Evans for breakfast. You would think that since I am “the p-word” I would be ravishingly hungry and eat a lot of food, but I’m really not. In fact, it almost seems that I can’t eat as much or as big of meals as I could before. I think it is due to my ovaries swelling again. But anyway, I had ½ of a yummy breakfast and Dh ate the other half. Then we headed off to the Baltimore Zoo to meet the baby elephant Samson. He is too cute! We did get some pictures and if I remember I will post them. We stayed at the zoo until about 1:00 p.m. it was a lot more walking than I anticipated and I was exhausted when we got home. I rested, and maybe took a small nap when I got home. Dh’s softball game was cancelled so we spend the day at Dh’s parents. On Sunday we went to church and then Sunday evening Dh took me to Medieval Times. It was so much fun! So all in all we have a very exciting weekend. I can’t even begin to tell you how much I enjoy spending time with my Dh. Ever since we met 10 years ago we have spent every minute possible together and I never get tired of it!

I do have a post planned but it probably won’t be until after our u/s. tomorrows post will probably be filled with more worries and fears. One question I am going to call NTF and ask is if I am still supposed to do the Endometrin suppository the morning of my u/s, I mean, wont it get in the way or something?