And the obsession begins! I forgot what it felt like to be in the tww. I really don't miss this part of TTC at all! The thing is it has been so long since I got an IUI that I don't remember what my 2ww was like and this is my first 2ww after an injectable cycle so it could be totally different. For example, I have had some odd cramps since about 6 dpo. They don't happen all of the time, just every once in a while. I don't remember if this is something that happened in my tww before or not since it has been so long since I ovulated. I have been extremely emotional and crying a lot. I also don't remember if that is normal for me post o or not. The bottom line is that there are no "for sure" symtoms this early. Even though I know this logically it is still hard not to get my hopes up when I get these unusual cramps or twinges. I told myself, and probably all of you as well, that I would consider this cycle a success if I ovulated, that was my only goal. But, after a couple of thousad dollars later and actually achieving that covented "O" that is so rare for me I can't help but want more. Perhaps I am being greedy, and I am most definitly setting myself up for heartache. Being in the tww and getting eager to test brings back all of those old emotions that I remember so well with my other ovulatory cycles. I remember so well that eagerness to test and then that utter dispair when I saw the negative. I can't even begin to tell you how much I hate negative HPTs! I hate them worse than AF showing up. However, with all of this being said I am trying to hold off as long as possible to test but I just don't know. I am feeling the urge to POAS soon and I don't know if any of you will be able to "talk me down from the ledge." My original plan was to begin testing on 10dpiui, again at 12dpiui and one last time at 14dpiui the morning of my beta. However, now that 10dpiui is tomorrow I am getting scared. I am feeling more positive about this cycle than I have about any other cycle (remember it has been a long while since I have even ovulated so I am going by what I remember.) Part of me thinks that it may be because this is a whole new treatment for me and that is why I am so "hopeful" and part of my thinks that maybe, just maybe I could be right. I'm not saying I "feel" pregnant or anything, I've never been pregnant in my whole life so I have no idea how it feels. What I'm saying is that I am unusually hopeful this cycle. I really wish I knew what it felt like to get a "normal" af so I would know whether I would normally get cramps this early before af. But, they are not constant cramps, just cramps I get a couple of times a day briefly, sort of like af cramps but they don't linger. Anyway, I know I definitely know I want to test before the weekend because we are leaving to take our youthgroup kids on a weekend retreat and I would like to test before then. My beta is on Monday which will actually put me at 16dpiui (not sure why they want me to wait until Monday anyway.) So, if you think you can talk me out of testing tomorrow morning go ahead and try, maybe it will work.
The other reason I want to test early will be the second part of my post. I have a friend who is having a baby shower on January 20th. Now, since we began this whole IF process I have managed to avoid baby showers with no problem. However, most of the baby showers I was invited to were either for people I was not terribly close with or people who had been very insensitive to my IF situation so I didn’t feel bad in declining. This friend however, while I don’t know if I would count her as a “close friend” had been nothing but supportive and understanding of this whole process. She called me herself to let me know that she was pregnant and was very sincere in saying that she didn’t want to hurt me. She always asks questions and is always checking up on us. She is much closer with my dh because they used to work together. He and her dh have been over to our house for dinner and we have gone out together. Anyway, I got an invitation to her baby shower which will be on January 20th. The RSVP date is January 10th. Now, there are a couple of reasons why I would not want to go to the baby shower. 1) I don’t know any of her friends. I wouldn’t know anyone there except for her and it would make it very awkward. 2) Which is the most obvious reason; if I get a BFN I definitely will not be wanting to go to a baby shower. There is however one reason why I would like to go; she has been so supportive and understanding and I don’t want to hurt her feelings by not attending. While I am okay with seeing her pregnant (it seems to only be those who I deem “unworthy” whose pregnant bellies bother me) I am not sure I will be okay with a bunch of women I don’t know oogling and googling over baby stuff and talking about pregnancy. Plus I might have to field the “dreaded question.” The invitation didn’t say that it was a surprise. If I was sure it wasn’t a surprise I might call and talk to her and tell her that I cannot attend the shower but would like to get together with her to give her my gift but I don’t want to ruin the surprise if it is a surprise. I mean, they would put surprise on the shower invite if it was a surprise right? I feel like maybe if I get a BFP I will feel comfortable enough to go but I don’t know even then. It seems to me that when/if I ever do get pregnant all of these IF feelings are not going to go away overnight. I don’t know, I have to think about it a little more but I am leaning towards not going. I hate to feel like this however I don’t feel like my feeling are wrong because I am not jealous of her or mad that she is pregnant, just trying to protect my own heart. I know all of you know exactly what I mean.
I will keep all of you updated. I can’t promise I wont cave and POAS tomorrow morning even though I know it might be too early but either way I am hoping and praying that at the end of this cycle that I will be able to accept God’s will for me and move forward on to the next cycle. Please keep the comments coming, they really mean a lot to me. I do try to comment on your blogs as well. Gotta go, I’m at work and I have a killer headache!
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7 comments:
From the way you describe your friend it sounds like she would understand you not going to the shower. Go ahead and decline and get together with her later.
Hi, thanks for the welcome! I know its hard, but please try to hold out until at least Wednesday to POAS! 10 dpiui is so early. And I know when I POASED at 10dpiui and got a BFN, I was devastated. I would rather just wait til later and have one depressing day except for a bunch. I am really hoping you get that BFP!!
I'm sure you are nervous this cycle! I think you should POAS if you want. I mean, if it is negative, you can test again at 12 and 14. 10 is early, but maybe not too early. (Not sure...) Good luck to you!! Sorry, I didn't talk you down from the ledge- I've been in your shoes a gazillion times and nothing would talk me down. :-)
I say, no worries on the baby shower. I'm sure she'll understand.
Oh yeah, about the shower. I think your friend would understand if you didn't go. Its probably not a surprise. I have a friend who was pg. and I declined going to her baby shower for the same reasons and I met her for lunch to give her a present. It was very nice and I'm sure your friend will completely understand.
Shady Grove is making you wait until Monday b/c they don't do pregnancy tests on weekends or holidays (hence why I had to wait until 5 days later over Christmas). They probably don't want someone freaking out and having no one available to help them right away.
You're right...even if you get a positive test, the IF feelings don't go away over night (or possibly not ever) and you may feel more comfortable not attending...sounds like she'll get it.
As far as the POAS? I didn't do it until 13 days past and I was wary of that...my husband insisted. You never know. Good luck with everything!
i hated 2ww .... I even hated the annovulatory 2ww that lasted longer than 2 weeks usually for me. I am afraid to POAS but if you want to, do it. 10dpIUI could be a little too sonn but ya never know. I am still wishing happy positive things for you.
I can second that the IF feelings do not really vanish after the + Pee stick. It takes a while to mull over all these feelings and I think that is OK.
As for the baby shower, go if you want to, i do think calling her and letting her know that you want to get together is a great idea. You can even call after the shower date if you are worried it is a suprise. I am sure her feelings will not be upswt. You can even invite her over to your house for dinner since you dh is close to her as well and make it a couples thing. (then you get your dh as support for you)
Wow, you are on exactly the same timeline as I was (with those same weird cramping symptoms). I also was supposed to have my beta on a Monday but I made them move it to Friday)
I am a bad one to talk you out of testing. I like to test early, because then if it's negative I can still have some hope that it's just too early. I try to get out all of my POAS addictions between 10 and 11 days and then I can usually make it to the end.
Hoping this is it for you!
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