Sorry...

Sorry for running off in the middle of a post but I had to leave. Here is what I was trying to say in a disjointed sort of way. My nurse told me that my RE believed that it would be "irresponsible medicine" to continue to do the IUI/Injectables. She said because I have been through 9 treatment cycles total with them with no pregnancy. He believes that my chances for success on the first time with IVF are in the 70% range because I am young..blah..blah. My concern is that out of those nine cycles I only ovulated a handful of times. I guess what I am trying to say is that a normal couple can take up to 12 months to conceive, thats ovulating 12 times. Since I only ovulated about four times total (we did 1 TI and 3 IUIs) thats like only trying for four months. I do understand what he is saying. He said he doesnt think it is fair to put my body through this anymore and that his goal is to get me pregnant, not just to make me ovulate. I knew from the beginning that he was against doing the IUI/injectable cycles anyway but because my insurance insisted he agreed. I honestly don't know whether one cycle will be enough for them to approve the IVF. My way of thinking is that we should do one last cycle of injectables/IUI which I was only planning on doing two of anyway, and while we are finishing this cycle put in the request for the referral for the IVF. It shouldn't take them long because I have had all of the testing. We have just gotten off a 2+ year break and I don't want to take any more time off. I figure we might as well do something proactive while we wait for the referral. But then I think that we could be wasting money that we could be using for an FET if the IVF doesn't work. As it stands now, we have enough money to do one round of IUI, one fresh IVF, and one FET. Honestly, I am scared to move on to IVF. The finality of it all scares me. What if I dont stimulate enough and they cancel the cycle. We wont have enough money to try again. I hate to keep talking about money but the reality of it is that we are not made of money. Both dh and I grew up in families that were not well off. I have over 40k in student loans and dh has about 12k. We have a mortgage, a car payment and various other bills. We cannot refinance our house because the company that bought our mortgage has apparently paid off every other company not to refinance their mortgages and they don't do refinancing. We worked so hard to raise the money for IVF to begin with. We had yard sales where people donated items for us to sell, and we also had a very generous donation from a relative. It just scares me that after all of that we most likely only have enough to do one round of IVF. I'm not even sure how much the meds cost. It is scary to think that we may be approaching the end of the road for us. I am not ready to give up this dream but I feel that if the IVF fails it may be time to give it up, at least for the time being. We would need to spend the next couple of years raising funds again to pay for an adoption only to have to wait a few years for the adoption to go through. I know I'm getting ahead of myself here, but the fact that we may only have one or two more shots to become biological parents scares me. I wish I could do the shared risk, but unfortunately 25k would be impossible to come up with. The bottom line is I cant cash in my 401k until late February so what is the harm of doing one more injectable cycle..right? My RE is supposed to call me himself today, until then, please pray that I will have to wisdom to make the right decision and for me not to focus so much on the finality of it all. Also, please pray that I deal with these feelings of guilt that I am having for not being able to make my sweet dh a daddy. :(