Where is AF?

WANTED: Mean ugly old lady named "Aunt Flo"
LAST SEEN: Sometime in the month of October

Have you seen "Aunt Flo"? I mean seriously. Yes, I know I am only on day 4 of taking the Prometrium but come on already! I am getting impatient. I just want to start this darn cycle already. I’m calling the pharmacy at 11:30 (they don’t open until 11:30 today) to make sure they have my meds (which had to be special ordered). If they have them we will pick them up tonight. I really have no idea how much they cost but I keep on having to remind myself that the money in our savings account is for the treatments. I am not really having much side effects with the Prometrium. I actually had a lot more side effects with the Provera. However, currently my face looks like a pimply thirteen year old, I am so bloated that my pants are cutting off my circulation, and I have awful, painful gas. But, really, no side effects (okay, maybe a few side effects).

Outside of IF, we decided that we need new tires on our Escape. The tires are two years old and are getting worn down. This is the last thing we wanted to spend money on right now but it is a necessity. So this weekend we will go tire shopping.

It is snowing outside!! This is our first snow of the season and although I think we are only supposed to get a coating it is beautiful to watch. It is really neat to watch the snow fall from the 25th floor of a building in Baltimore City (where I work). I had an amazing view before but the snow makes it even more beautiful.

I am having a really hard time concentrating on anything right now. I think it is the anticipation of starting a new cycle when we have been TAB for so long. I am also way more optimistic when usually I am a hard core pessimist. I can’t help but be hopeful that this will be it for us. I can’t believe that it has been five years since we decided to start a family. You would think after five years of IF we would be further along in the journey right now but a combination of financial issues and generally just needing to take a break from all of the stress has put us where we are today. After five years the only thing we have tried is SEVERAL rounds of Clomid/IUI and two rounds of Femara/IUI. Through all of that I only ovulated two or three times. My body just doesn’t do what it is supposed to. I guess that is what is causing me to be overly optimistic about the injectables. I mean really, I have only ovulated two or three times in five years, so assuming that there is nothing else wrong with me this should work right? That is the hopeful side of me talking, the cynical infertile side of me says that I will spend thousands on injectables just to have cancelled cycles or failed cycles and have no baby to show for it in the end. Then we will have to start all over with saving money unless one of us can find a job with insurance that totally covers IVF. I have learned so much in these past five years but it has been hard. I am ready to move on! Someone tell me that it is okay to be hopeful, that it is okay to dream. I am just so worried that if I am too hopeful and it doesn’t work that it will make it that much harder to deal.

Anyway, until next time! Hopefully I will be using the title CD1 for my next post!