Happy Friday!!

I just wanted to drop in and wish everyone a happy Friday and Happy New Years if I am not on before then. Our IUI is tomorrow at 11:00 with drop off at 9:30. Fun times! Also, I think I may have ovulated on my left side (where the humungo follie was) just now. I have only ovulated twice in the past 5 years so I am not really sure what it feels like but it was a twinging kind of pain that was off and on for about 3 minutes. I could almost feel my left ovary twinging. Very odd. Good thing we b'd last night in case I did ovulate from the side. Well, it's time for me to get back to work, there's nothing like the boss waiting until the last minute to get things out on a Friday!

Holy Follies Batman!

Well, my follies definitely grew. I have one on the right that is 17.5, and one that is around 16. On the left I have one around 16 and one at 23! There was also another (I can't remember which ovary) that was 15. So I definitely do not need any more Follistim this cycle. Now we just have to wait and see whether my RE lets me go through with the IUI with this many follies. He is ultra-conservative when it comes to the number of follies. I am hoping that it is fine because there is three follies that are close to or over 18 and that is what they told me they were looking for to trigger. I will update when my nurse calls. Wish me luck!!
***Edited to Add***

Yay! My nurse called. She said trigger tonight and bd tonight (DH was excited to hear this) then schedule IUI for Saturday!! I am so happy! I consider this first IUI/Follistim cycle a success simply because we made it to IUI, and that is great for the first cycle! Hopefully now I will be able to relax! I didn’t ask about the exact follicle size or the E2 levels but it doesn’t really matter. Lastly, I want to say thank you to everyone who tried their best over the past couple of weeks to calm my nerves, especially Farah who has agreed to give me private therapy sessions via e-mail (just kidding)! I will definitely keep all of you updated. I promise, I am not always neurotic (although DH might disagree.)

Holy Cow!

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday! Since I haven’t written since Friday I will try to update you on the events since Friday:

Saturday, CD 11: I went back to the clinic for another u/s & b/w. This was an interesting visit because we went to an office that we aren’t used to going to. This time there was an u/s tech and a doctor doing the u/s. The u/s tech would measure something and the doctor would tell her she was wrong. It was very uncomfortable to say the least. Anyway, the two follies I had were gone! My ovaries looked like a cd 3 u/s all over again. I was pretty upset to say the least. When the nurse called later that day she told me the doctor wanted to increase my Follistim dose from 75 iu to 83 iu (one click above 75 for those of you that have the pen.)

Monday, CD 13: Another u/s & b/w. This time I had two follies measuring at 12 each, one on each ovary.

Wednesday, CD 15: Today I went in this morning for another u/s and b/w. I don’t know the exact numbers but I will get them later. My lining was around 15 which is good. I had two follies on my right ovary at 15 mm and one around 14. I had a 16 on my left ovary and another 15 also on my left. So yay! My body finally decided to do something! I am not 100% sure about the numbers but I know that the right had a 15 and the left had a 16. I asked the u/s tech if she thought I had too many follies and she said no. She said hopefully the 15 and 16s will take the lead. Now I wait for the nurse to call me but they told me when I left that they will probably want me to come in tomorrow for another u/s. I am thinking that as long as these follies do not disappear like the others then we should trigger in a couple of days and have IUI by the weekend. I’m not really sure what size they are looking for to trigger so I will ask when the nurse calls later today. So, right now I am cautiously optimistic that we may actually complete a cycle. Also, I have decided not to ask for my E2 levels at every visit. It is causing me to obsess over it and I just don't see how it is helping me. I trust my doctor and I know that he wouldn't go forward if he didn't think it was worth it. So, I have decided to only as for my E2 levels right before trigger.

As for Christmas, I had an enjoyable time off of work. On Friday we had a little office get together an hour before closing time. My boss gave all the paralegals a $100 gift card to the mall. I though that was a nice addition to the nice bonus we got. On Saturday we had a family dinner. I made cheesecake and stuffed shells which were a big hit. I was nice to get together with family. We sang Christmas songs with the karaoke machine. Every year we have someone in the family dress up as Santa and bring in gifts for the little ones. This year DH’s uncle “B” dressed up as Santa. As soon as he walked into the room Shawn’s 2 ½ year old cousin blurted out “what’s “b” doing?” We were all amazed that a 2 ½ year old would recognize someone dressed up like that. It was funny! Needless to say it ruined it for the rest of the kids who now knew who was in the Santa suit. On Sunday we had a relaxing day, we didn’t do too much. On Monday DH had to work and I stayed home and wrapped presents, and Tuesday was Christmas. We spent the first half of the day with DH’s family and the second half of the day with my family. I got an MP3 player from DH which I am still trying to figure out how to use! I also got a nice stock pot from the MIL. But, the most special gift came from my Mom. She gave me a picture of my father when he was a little boy. My father passed away in 2006 and we don’t have many picture of him when he was little. It was so special and very bitter sweet to see that picture of him. While my mother was looking for the picture she also came across a card from my grandfather and grandmother for my 11th birthday that was somehow never opened. It had my grandfather’s handwriting on it and a poem he had written for me. My grandfather passed away in 1999 so this was also very special. The only not so great thing about this Christmas was that it ended with a pregnancy announcement. We were sitting around my mom’s kitchen table and my step sister mentions something about my step brother’s wife’s due date. I was like “Due date? Is she pregnant?” Everyone seemed to know this other than me and DH. I suspect that my mom was waiting to tell me and that she didn’t think Christmas was a good time. It definitely caught me off guard. I am okay with it for now but I know that when she has the baby it will he hard seeing my mom treat it like a grandchild. I am her daughter and I want to be the one to have the first grandchild. Oh well, I guess I have been able to dodge the pg announcements for so long that one was bound to come up sooner or later.

I will update when I get a call from my nurse.

**Edited to Add** I just got a call from my nurse. My RE says no meds tonight and come back tomorrow. I am happy that I don't have to do a shot tonight but I am worried that they will stop growing. I told my nurse this and she said they will definitly still grow (how does she know this? I am the one with the "disappearing follies") She said they are looking for one of those follies to be 18mm and then we will trigger. So, if all goes well maybe we will be triggering tomorrow night with IUI on Saturday? This would be ideal because then I wouldn't have to miss any work! Wish me luck that those follies keep on growing tonight even with no meds!

***Edited AGAIN to Add*** I forgot to include my follicle measurements:
R: 15.5, 14.3
L: 16.2, 15.6, 13.7
Lining: 15
And, even though I didn't ask she told me my E2 which was 875!!! Up from 256 two days ago! She told me the RE was having me coast because he wanted the lead follies to grow while the others shrink away. I told her I was worried that the big ones would shrink too and she said they will not shrink because my E2 was so high. So, now it's in God's hands and the hands of my RE.

P.S. My nurse told me I need a drink!! lol

Happy Holidays!!!

I probably won’t check back in until the 26th so I wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday. I go in for another u/s & b/w tomorrow morning which will either make me feel better or make me a huge b*tch for a family party we have later that day. So hopefully I will see that my follies have grown and that my E2 went up. I am really starting to regret even asking about my E2 because it has now created another thing for me to obsess over. I will be having a busy weekend to keep me occupied but usually when I am upset or worried stress and activity only makes it worse. So, until I “see” you again, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday. Hopefully I will be coming back with some good news!

B/W & U/S Results

Well, the nurse called, results are as follows:

Lining: 8.6
Right: 11.1 and 10.6
Left: 11.6
E2: 112 (down from 137 two days ago)

I asked her if it was a bad thing that the E2 went down and she kind of gave me a non-commital answer and told me to stay on 75 iu of Follistim and come back on Saturday. Of corse, again, she wasn't my usual nurse and was in a hurry to give me my results and didn't really seem like she cared to answer questions (not to mention she sounded like she wasn't old enough to be a nurse.) So, I have to admit, I am kind of bummed. My u/s didn't show a whole lot of growth from two days ago and my E2 dropped by 25. Isn't that bad? I just don't know what to think. I feel like my Re's office is not giving me any imput about whether things are going as they should. Whenever I ask they just give me some lame response. I haven't talked to or seen the same person twice this cycle. I have only actually seen my RE once when he had to do the u/s and he didn't tell me anything either. DH says I should call my RE but he doesn't have the most pleasant disposition. He isn't mean, just blah and very short and to the point. I don't know, maybe I am over analyzing everything. I just wish there was some chart somewhere that said, on this day your follicles should be this size and E2 should be this amount. What does it mean that my E2 dropped? Is that bad? GAH! Now I remember why I took two years off, I hate this stuff!

CD 9 u/s & b/w

I know, I know, I am not very creative with titles. The appointment this morning went okay I guess. The girl that usually draws my blood was not there so it was someone else. Of course, she had a terrible time finding a vein so once again I am sure I will have the battle scars to show from it. The u/s tech was there this time, thank God because she is a big more gentle than the doctor. I didn’t get the exact measurements because I didn’t have anything to write on but I will get them when they call later today. I have two follicles on the right measuring 10.something each and one on the left measuring 11.something (I think) and then a bunch of smaller ones. My lining was good (I also can’t remember the exact number.) I think when I get my E2 levels back it will help to determine if the follicles are growing and maturing. I still don’t know what to think. I keep thinking about all those Clomid cycles when I would go in every month only to find out that nothing was happening. I have nothing to compare this to and since every person is different it’s not like there is a chart out there that tells me what size my follicles should be on what day. When my nurse calls today I will ask her what she thinks. I have been so disappointed in the past that I can’t help but think that this will just be another disappointment. I will update when I get the call from my nurse.

Thank You, and a little humor...

I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words. You really have no idea how much better it makes me feel to hear all of your comments. I woke up today feeling a cold coming on so lets hope and pray that it goes away. Lastly, a little humor, someone found my blog by searching "amiture n*ude pictures." Ha ha! I must be missing something, when did I dicuss this topic? There was also another search "Why did Baby V take N*ude photos?" WHAT! I'm actually getting a little concerned that people are finding my blog by searching these things and even more concerned that someone would search something like this. Ewwww!

CD 7 b/w & u/s

We arrived at the clinic today at 7:10 for our 7:15 appointment with the fanny cam. I got my bloodwork done and then we were sent into exam room one to wait. Well, the sonographer called and said she was going to be late so finally at 7:45 my doctor comes in himself to do the u/s. He had a terrible time finding my left ovary (they always do as I was told during my HSG that my left ovary is very high) and it was extremely painful. I was ready to come up off the table a few times. Anyway, here is the breakdown:

• Lining: I have no idea, he said it was "coming along nicely" (I will get the actual number when they call with my b/w results.
• Right: 20 follicles less than 10
• Left: 15 follicles less than 10

So, nothing going on quite yet. I couldn't get a good read on my doc to see whether this is normal or not. I did ask him if it was normal that nothing was happening quite yet and he said yes. He also said that he put me on a very low dose of the medication (I am assuming because of my PCOS) and that things may take a little longer to get started. My nurse will call sometime in the afternoon with my b/w results and the dosage for the Follistim. I think that my RE will keep the dosage the same but who knows. I go back for more b/w & u/s on Thursday which will be CD 9. I really wish I knew what to expect and what is normal development. The bad news is that I have a huge bruse on my right arm from my CD 3 b/w and now I have a huge painful bruise forming on my left arm from today's b/w so I have no idea where she is going to take blood from on Thursday. I don't know what to think because I have nothing to compare this cycle to because I have never done injectables. Part of me is worried that this will be like every other cycle I have had with the Clomid & Femara where my body does absolutely NOTHING! Part of me is happy that there wasn't huge cysts everywhere. The only thing that worries me is that all the follies we did see where mostly the same size. What if they all grow at the same rate? DH said that he saw three follies that were a bit larger on the right but I didn't really see a diference. The doctor really didn't measure any of them because he said they only start measuring once they get to a certain size. If anyone has any experience with this and can tell me if all of this is normal for a CD 7 scan I would appreciate it. I am assuming we will be able to tell more from my b/w to see if the E2 is rising like it should. Well, I guess that is about it, my left arm hurts so bad where they took the blood that it is painful to bend my arm. Oh joy! I will update later when I get my b/w results.

****Edited to Add****
The nurse called back with my bloodwork and treatment plan:

Lining: 6.2
E2: 137 (was 105 on CD3)

So I will continue to do the 75 iu of Follistim and go back on Thursday for another u/s and b/w. I did ask her whether it was normal that no dominant follies were developing yet but it wasn't my usual nurse so she didn't seem too sure.

CD 6

Yes, I know, not a very creative title. Well, we arrived at Shady Grove's Annapolis office at 7 a.m. on Saturday. My regular nurse from the Columbia office was there and immediately came out to get me. She told us she was so sorry that they made us drive out there just to sign a paper and that if it was her that called she would have just waited until we came in to our next appointment. So, we signed the paper and she gave us our dosage information. 75 iu of Follistim and I will go in on Tuesday morning for an u/s and b/w. She said that pushing things back one day wont make a difference at all. We did our first shot on Saturday night at 6 p.m. I wasn't bad, the worst part was trying to get myself to stick the needle in but once I got it in it was fine. I really haven't felt anything while giving the shots, no stinging no discomfort, nothing. And I haven't bruised or anything. You can't even see where I did the shots. Last night, after my second Follistim injection, around 9 p.m my left ovary started to hurt. It hurt all night until I fell asleep. It doesn't hurt today so I am not sure what that is about but it was definitly uncomfortable last night. I wonder if it is normal to feel some discomfort after only my second shot? Anyway, we do one more shot tonight and then go in for b/w & u/s tomorrow morning. Hopefully we will be able t osee that something is going on. Thanks for all the wonderful comments. It really helps to know that I have people who understand. Keep the comments coming, they really mean a lot!

ARGH!!

So, my RE's office called. They forgot to have me sign the Consent for IUI while I was there this morning. She told me that she cannot disclose my dosage amount until they witness both my husband and myself together signing the form. She asked if I could get there before 4:30 to sign it and I said no, we are both at work. So, she told me we will have to come to their other office which is 1/2 hour from my house at 7:00 a.m. so someone can witness us signing the document. So, now I wont be starting the Follistim until tomorrow night, assuming they didn't forget something else. It's only one day, but still!

CD 3 U/S & B/W

I just got back from my CD3 u/s and b/w. They had a little trouble finding a vein this time and the result is a painful purple bump on my arm! Ouch! The u/s went fine, my lining is still at 9 which means there is still more af left to be had. (blah) Both ovaires are quiet, no cysts (other than the usual pcos stuff.) I guess they don't count antral follicles because they always just put the same number (I think 10 or something like that.) Then we had a consultation to show us how to use the Follistim Pen. The consult was really rushed so good thing I read up on it and kind of already know how to use it. It scared me when she said if you dial past your dose and the dial the wrong way to correct it you could lose all of your medication. She also gave us a dvd which we will watch tonight before attempting the shot. My nurse will call with my exact dose after my RE looks at my b/w results. Then I go back on Monday for u/s and b/w. I guess that sounds about right, do the shots for three days and go back in to see if anything is happening. I wonder if I can expect to see anything happening that early? Anyone know?

***warning, totally TMI comment ahead***

Okay, you have been warned. Does anyone else think it is gross when you get your day 3 u/s and then get up from the table? I mean really, do I really want to leave my business on the table for someone to clean up? I am always so tempted to pull the paper off. ewww

***end of TMI comment***

Well, thats about it for now. I will update with my dosage when I get the call from my nurse.

CD1

Wooohoooo! AF finally arrived at exactly 8 p.m. last night. That would make today CD1, right? Since if you get AF later than 6pm CD1 is the next day? Hmmm, I will ask when I call me RE and set up my day 3 u/s and b/w. I talked to my nurse yesterday, she said everything is set for me to start this cycle and she doesn't know why the other lady used the word "probably." I was definitely relieved. So, if today is in fact CD1, which I believe it is, then CD3 will be on Friday. So we will start the stims Friday night. We have to go to the pharmacy tonight and pick up the Follistim cartridges (which supposedly come with needles?) and the RE's office will give us the Follistim pen on Friday. AF is definitely here with a vengeance! She must be mad because I have been talking crap about her in an attempt to lure her out of her hiding place. Now she is making me pay for my smart remarks. The Prometrium gives me a different kind of AF than the Provera. I cant explain it except that I have different side effects this time. Usually I have pretty bad cramps a couple of days before AF arrives, this time not much. This time I had much more emotional side effects (ie. being a real b*tch.) Last night, after I discovered AF, I went to bed at 8pm and slept until 6 this morning. I woke up at 6 completely drenched in a cold sweat and was actually shivering. Really strange. ***I just called my RE, today would be CD1 and my appointment is scheduled for Friday at 7:15***

So the plan is: CD3 u/s & b/w on Friday. They will give me the Follistim Pen on Friday and show me how to use it. They will call me in the afternoon with my b/w results and tell me what the doctor has decided my initial dose of Follistim will be. I guess he waits to see the blood work results. She didn't tell me when I will come back for my second scan. Does anyone know how soon they bring you back in after your initial injection?

A couple of questions for those of you that have done this before:

1. I want to pay much more attention to particulars this time (ie. follicle size and blood levels.) Did you just take notes while your doctor was doing the ultrasound? How did you get all the specific information like the exact amount of follicles, their sizes, and E2 levels? I don't remember them telling me anything specific about blood results other than it looks good. Is there a place I can look online that tells me where my levels should be?

2. Is it beneficial to temp BBT while doing injectables? I haven't done BBT in 4 or 5 years, before I knew there was a problem, but for some reason I have the need to really know what is going on with my body this time and to keep track of symptoms. Do the medications affect your BBT? Would it still be accurate?

3. Is there any limits to what I should be doing physically once I get the IUI? I am doing a dinner theatre for church which involves some dancing and a lot of moving around. I am contemplating telling the director that I can't do the dances after I get my IUI. I just don't want to do anything to hurt my chances after we spent all of this money.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Thanks to all of you who have taken the time to comment on my blog and to those of you that just lurk (I know you are there) come out and say hello! Sorry I am so full of questions but remember, we haven't done any type of treatments for about 2 years so it's like starting all over again.

Last but not least, please stop by Cece's blog and give her some love, she is going through a hard time.

CD52

Yup, you read it right. Still waiting for the old witch! But, my last Prometrium was on Friday night and I have been having some brown discharge (TMI-sorry) last night and this morning so hopefully AF will be here either today or tomorrow. This will put my day 3 u/s on Wednesday or Thursday. A co-worker who knows about our IF came in this morning to my office and asked "did AF show up yet?" I couldn't help but giggle! She is even getting the terminology down. I am always the pessimist. I am still trying to figure out what could go wrong to keep us from starting this cycle. When I was talking to the nurse at my RE's office going over our plan (this was a couple of weeks ago) she said something about not starting stims this cycle. I asked why on earth would I be bringing on AF then if we weren't going to do anything this cycle. She pulled up my chart and said that she saw we already had all of our pre-treatment tests (Day 3 b/w, etc.) completed so we probably would start. Now, as I get closer to having AF and getting started it worries me that she said "probably." I can't imagine why else I would bringing AF on if we weren't going to start this cycle. I already brought AF on once just to do day 3 b/w. It isn't like this is the first time I have ever gotten any kind of IF treatment. I have done tons of cycles with this RE's office. Just some of my irrational fears, but somehow the always seem to be right. For instance, i spoke to my pharmacy on Wednesday and they said they were ordering my Follistim and it should be there on Thursday. So I just had a feeling that they didn't do it (they are a Kaiser pharmacy) so I called Thursday morning to make sure. Sure enough, the girl that answered the phone said she didn't order it because she had never ordered Follistim before. Huh? So, she simply decided not to order it because she had "never ordered it before?" So, she told me she was putting the order in right that second and that it would be there by Friday afternoon. We couldn't pick it up on Friday so we went to pick it up Saturday morning. As we were walking in I told DH that I bet that it wont be there. Sure enough, the Ovidril (sp?) was there but the Follistim was not. I asked the lady when it was ordered and she said Friday afternoon. So, obviously when I was speaking to the girl on the phone she lied to me when she told me she was ordering it "right that second." So I picked up my other meds. They were keeping the Ovadril in the bin with the other medications as opposed to the fridge even though it says on the box that it is supposed to be refridgerated. The label says it was filled on Thursday so basically it was not kept cold for two days? I have no idea if this will affect the medication but I just put a call in to my nurse to make sure. I can't believe how much I hate Kaiser. I never read that people have so much trouble with their insurance! My husband works for Kaiser so I feel that I have the right to complain. To top it all off, when we left the "confused pharmacist" gave me the credit card slip I signed instead of my copy. And when I aksed her "don't you need this copy?" she gave me a dirty look! All of this is really making me nervous about having prenatal care through Kaiser. What if they mess up on something? They don't seem to be concerned about anything, what if they are like that when I'm pregnant? When my DH broke his ankle and was taken to the emergency room they told him the bone in his ankle was shattered and that he needed surgery asap! They wanted to do the surgery there but called Kaiser and Kaiser said no, that they would find their own surgeon. So we took DH home and I called Kaiser as soon as I got him settled. The girl on the phone asked me why I didn't call them immediately why DH broke his ankle and that I need to call that sort of thing in right away. I told her I was sorry that it was the last thing on my mind as he was laying in the middle of a baseball field waiting for an ambulance. All in all, we ended up waiting 4 days just to get him in to see the orthopaedist that Kaiser insisted he see and then he had to wait two weeks for his surgery. Can you imagine sitting there for over two weeks with the bones in your leg completely shattered? So, this is the reason I have little to no faith in Kaiser coupled with the fact that my husband works for them and I see how they treat their employees. Anyway...sorry to go off an a tangent there.

In non-IF related news. I had a really busy weekend. It was one of those weekeneds that makes you feel like you didn't get any rest at all. I got my hair cut on Friday. I love my salon because they have the massage chairs that you get to sit in while you get your hair shampooed. But it is very pricey! I spent $80 on a haircut, shampoo, and conditioner! But, it was worth it, I love my haircut and I love the shampoo and conditioner. I never thought using the professional stuff would make a difference but it really does! I got a significant amount of hair cut off. My hair was donw to my mid-back and is now up to my shoulders. It is much easier to maintain though.

Then on Saturday I had a Longaberger open house. We did a joint open house with a pampered chef consultant and some other various consultants. I didn’t do great, I only go three orders but I also got a couple from church so not too bad. In case you are interested you can check out my site here. In case anyone is interested, this is the way I fund a lot of our IF treatments so if anyone is looking for an additional way to raise some money this is a good one.

On Sunday we skipped church (there could be a whole other blog about our church’s issues) and went to choir practice afterwards. We are doing a dinner theatre to raise money and have been practicing from 12 to 4 every Sunday. Then we had a Sunday school play at church that we attended (only because there were some people there that I wanted to hit up for Longaberger orders..lol.) We got home just in time to watch the Ravens get their butts kicked…again!

That’s about it for me. I am awaiting a call from my nurse from the RE’s office to put some of my irrational fears to rest.

Holiday Humor

Since it is snowing and I am feeling in the Christmas spirit, I leave you with a bit of holiday humor:

Where is AF?

WANTED: Mean ugly old lady named "Aunt Flo"
LAST SEEN: Sometime in the month of October

Have you seen "Aunt Flo"? I mean seriously. Yes, I know I am only on day 4 of taking the Prometrium but come on already! I am getting impatient. I just want to start this darn cycle already. I’m calling the pharmacy at 11:30 (they don’t open until 11:30 today) to make sure they have my meds (which had to be special ordered). If they have them we will pick them up tonight. I really have no idea how much they cost but I keep on having to remind myself that the money in our savings account is for the treatments. I am not really having much side effects with the Prometrium. I actually had a lot more side effects with the Provera. However, currently my face looks like a pimply thirteen year old, I am so bloated that my pants are cutting off my circulation, and I have awful, painful gas. But, really, no side effects (okay, maybe a few side effects).

Outside of IF, we decided that we need new tires on our Escape. The tires are two years old and are getting worn down. This is the last thing we wanted to spend money on right now but it is a necessity. So this weekend we will go tire shopping.

It is snowing outside!! This is our first snow of the season and although I think we are only supposed to get a coating it is beautiful to watch. It is really neat to watch the snow fall from the 25th floor of a building in Baltimore City (where I work). I had an amazing view before but the snow makes it even more beautiful.

I am having a really hard time concentrating on anything right now. I think it is the anticipation of starting a new cycle when we have been TAB for so long. I am also way more optimistic when usually I am a hard core pessimist. I can’t help but be hopeful that this will be it for us. I can’t believe that it has been five years since we decided to start a family. You would think after five years of IF we would be further along in the journey right now but a combination of financial issues and generally just needing to take a break from all of the stress has put us where we are today. After five years the only thing we have tried is SEVERAL rounds of Clomid/IUI and two rounds of Femara/IUI. Through all of that I only ovulated two or three times. My body just doesn’t do what it is supposed to. I guess that is what is causing me to be overly optimistic about the injectables. I mean really, I have only ovulated two or three times in five years, so assuming that there is nothing else wrong with me this should work right? That is the hopeful side of me talking, the cynical infertile side of me says that I will spend thousands on injectables just to have cancelled cycles or failed cycles and have no baby to show for it in the end. Then we will have to start all over with saving money unless one of us can find a job with insurance that totally covers IVF. I have learned so much in these past five years but it has been hard. I am ready to move on! Someone tell me that it is okay to be hopeful, that it is okay to dream. I am just so worried that if I am too hopeful and it doesn’t work that it will make it that much harder to deal.

Anyway, until next time! Hopefully I will be using the title CD1 for my next post!