What to think…

Well, I went to my RE’s this morning to get my u/s & b/t for bringing on AF and starting the birth control for my IVF cycle. Went like a normal scan, I don’t remember my lining number but she said it is definitely thick enough to have an AF. Right ovary was quiet other than the usual PCOS stuff and left ovary was hard to find as always. They gave me a script for the provera and told me they would call me later. My nurse just called and told me they had some “interesting results.” She said my beta came back at a 9. Huh? A 9? First of all, this is totally not what I expected to hear at all. Second of all, I hate to admit this but I don’t remember when the last time DH and I had sex but I KNOW it was more than 2 weeks ago. At least three weeks ago (what can I say? The libido isn’t really there after years of IF.) I am cd39 right now. So, from what I gather this is most likely a miscarriage although I never knew I was pregnant. I don’t see how it was a chemical pregnancy because don’t those end soon after fertilization? Since we haven’t done the deed on over three weeks you would think that if it was chemical the numbers would be back to zero by now…right? I don’t know, all I know is that this news definitely threw me for a tailspin. So, of course I cannot start my provera and I have to go back on Friday for a repeat beta. What the heck? I asked her what a number of nine can mean, she said either they caught it really early or I am about to miscarry. Is it possible to have a beta of 9 and not be pregnant at all, maybe like a false positive or something? I cant tell you that when they looked at my lining this morning I did not see anything that wasn’t supposed to be there (not that I really know what to look for but I have been seeing the inside of an “empty” womb for a long time, you think I would notice if something different was there.) The bottom line is that I am virtually certain that there is no way I can be pregnant due to the length of time since our last BD and the low beta number. DH says he thinks it shows that my body can sort of do something right but this opens me up to a whole other realm of fears. What if I have added miscarriages to my list of problems? Then I feel like maybe I did something to cause this. I have been exercising like crazy for the past couple of weeks, what if I caused this because I didn’t know? Anyway, I’m not really feeling too sad about it or anything. Maybe that makes me a bad person but I guess because I didn’t know or anything and I wasn’t expecting anything. Ugh! Leave it to me to have a screwy result! Any comments would be appreciated and please don’t make fun of my non-existent sex life!