None to Freeze

Well, I got our last fert report, none to freeze. She said they transferred the best and there were none good enough to freeze. I know this is common not to have any to freeze but I felt so sure we would have some due to how many were going strong. It sucks to think that if this doesn't work I will have to go through all of this crap again. But if there is a next time, I will be asking the doctor to do everything possible to avoid OHSS. What if this means we don't have good embies? I sort of feel like I was misled about the quality of our embies. They told me they were moving it to day 6 because there were too many good ones to choose from but the doctor at the clinic before the transfer told us that they were taking a little longer to get to the right stage and that is why they moved it to day 6. They didn't tell me a grade for our Doozer or anything but said it was a high quality one so I guess that is good enough. Ugh...too many things to worry about. But, it doesn't matter now, it is in God's hands and He can do anything!

Back to Work

Yes, yes, I know, I was supposed to do 24 hours bed rest and that would have meant I would have had to “rest” until 11:00 a.m. today. But, my boss is just not an understanding guy by any stretch of the imagination and I just couldn’t take another day off of work. I already didn’t have any time as it is due to the fact that they barely give us any time off anyway and now I am like over 5 days in the negative. So I have tried to take it easy and haven’t moved too much. But I really hope I wont regret going back to work today although I cant lose my job right now so I had to do what I had to do. I have no idea what we are going to do if we have to do this again but I am trying not to think about that. I have to say that I am not as optimistic about this cycle today as I have been over the past few days. I am questioning our decision to only put back one even though that is what we discussed in the very beginning. Its not that I hate the idea of twins or don’t think twins are cute or anything. I just want a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. I want to minimize the risk to the baby and to myself. My doctor is also a big supporter of single embryo transfers especially in women who it is their first IVF and have a good quality embryo. But what if we should have transferred two? They told me that the pregnancy rates were no higher, even showed me numbers. I almost changed my mind when right before the transfer they told me that right now none of my embryos would be at the stage to be frozen. I was afraid that we wouldn’t have any to freeze so I panicked and said okay, put back two. They then called my RE who suggested only putting back one because of the OHSS and the fact that getting me pregnant with twins would be very risky to my health. So I went with my doctors suggestions. I so hope we made the right decision. I also can’t help but think that we are basing this whole cycle on this one little embryo, I sure hope he/she is a fighter. I am also bummed because I thought maybe I might feel something, like implantation cramps or have some spotting or something. I know the little guy should be digging in soon if he hasn’t already done so and I was hoping I would feel something. I know this is ridiculous because most people probably don’t feel implantation anyway. My Mom also gave me some grief about only putting back one. I really wish people would understand that it goes way beyond simply having two cute little babies, that it can affect my health and their health too. It made me angry that she would question our choice when we are the ones who are armed with information and the ones making the decision who have to deal with the consequences. I am already feeling guilty enough about not putting back two and I really need the support of my family and friends, I don’t need anyone to question our decisions. **Please note that this is a not a dig at anyone who chooses to put back two or is pregnant with twins, I know it is the norm to put back two and I am going against the grain but if this cycle doesn't work I will ask them to put back two next time. My beta will be on May 12th, the day before my 28th birthday. So I will either have a shitty birthday or a wonderful one. As for those who have suggested not to POAS before the beta, it’s just not something that I am comfortable with. I always test before my beta. I just like to prepare myself for the news. I would rather think it will be negative and be prepared for the phone call while at work and be pleasantly surprised by a positive beta then being full of hope and having to receive a devastating call while at work with no warning. I know it isn’t the best way for everyone but it helps me deal with the call a little easier.



As for my health, I am slowly starting to feel better. I woke up yesterday feeling better than I had in days. I was happy that I felt better because I was seriously thinking that it wouldn’t be good to put our little one into a sick body. I was able to eat some foods off of my “wish list” (which I will talk about in a minute.) This morning I woke up feeling a little yuckier than yesterday but still better than the past week or so. I feel better now but my chest is the thing that is bothering me the most. I have a really heavy feeling and soreness in my chest like the way you feel after you have been coughing with a really bad chest cold only I haven’t been coughing. I am thinking it has something to do with the fluid that was in my lungs. And, the most annoying thing is I cant button my pants! Now, I am already pleasantly plump to begin with so not being able to button my pants is awful! I thought about getting a bella band but I don’t want to buy anything maternity because I feel it will be bad luck. I don’t want to buy larger pants because I find that if I get larger pants I allow myself to grow into them. So for now I have my pants unbuttoned and a long shirt with another tied around my waist. I am hoping the bloating will go down soon but when they did the u/s yesterday to check the size of my ovaries they were still quite large. Meh..I guess it could be worse.

Lastly, I want to tell you how amazing my wonderful hubby is! He took such good care of me over the past week. He did everything he could to make me feel comfortable and ease my pain. He even cleaned up my throw up when I didn’t make it to the potty (TMI I know.) The OHSS also took a toll on me emotionally and he was there for me then too. I cant even begin to describe the physical discomfort of having everything that belongs in the lower half of you abdomen pushed into your stomach and lungs. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t eat (and still threw up even if I didn’t eat), I really felt like I was choking on my insides. I have a friend at church who has gone through IVF and she called me to see how I was feeling the other day and told me that she had OHSS and how terrible she felt. She told me that she was sure she was dying and that she should be in the ICU (and she is a nurse.) It made me feel better to know that other people have experienced the pain and that she knew what I was going through. While I was sick I made a “wish list” of foods that I wanted to eat as soon as I was able (when you don’t eat for days you start fantasizing about food.) I know it sounds silly but I needed something to look forward to. I had things on my list like cherry tomatoes, pickles, fritos, chocolate covered raisins, and tomato juice, I even put on my list that I wanted to eat a taco salad as my first dinner. Well, my wonderful Dh went to the store yesterday and purchased every single thing on my list and also came home and made me a taco salad for dinner! I was so touched and thrilled that he would do that. I really hope that Doozer sticks around to meet his/her amazing daddy!

Well, that’s about it for now. Thank you all so much for still reading and commenting even though I didn’t check anyone’s blog for days. I apologize for not checking them or commenting. You all are the best!

Here's our Doozer!

Transfer Complete

Well, I'm home with our little embie safe and sound inside! Yup, we decided to transfer only one embie because we do not want to take the risk of a multiple pregnancy at this point and because our doctor recommended transferring one because this is our first IVF, I am young, and because our embie was good quality, bust most importantly because of the OHSS. We trust our doctor's judgment and believe we made the right decision. We have a picture of our little embie and named him Doozer. 100 brownie points to anyone who can figure out why we named it Doozer! Dh did scan the picture but for some reason it didn't save so I will add a picture later. The experience was pretty neat but I am too tired to blog about it in detail so I will blog about it tomorrow. Everyone chant with me...dig Doozer dig!

We've Been Bumped!

Well, I have honestly never heard of this but my nurse just called and said they are moving us to a 6 day transfer. She said they are all doing very well so they are moving us to a 6 day. I have no idea how many we still have or what stage they are at but when they call to actually schedule the transfer I will ask. I have been trying to look online but I haven't found too much about 6 day transfers so if anyone know any info I would appreciate it. As for me I am still feeling pretty awful. I am still throwing up which the doctor says is caused by my ovaries being very enlarged and pushing everything that should be in my lower abdomen into my stomach. I am concerned about all of the work I am missing. I had to call out on Thursday and Friday due to being sick from the OHSS. I told my boss I would need off today and tomorrow for the embryo transfer and the 24 hour bed rest but now here I am at home, still too sick to go into work and will have to take off Wednesday now for bed rest. I didn't really have any time to begin with due to the funeral which was unexpected and my boss agreed to give me the days even though I didn't have them. Now I have taken double what he agreed to and honestly I'm worried that he is going to fire me. But, I am truly sick, actually more sick than I have ever been in my life, and there is no way I could go in today. I feel awful because I don't want him to think I am taking advantage of him. But I would hope that he understands that I am sick and I will have my RE send a note to him. I have to say that at this point if this cycle doesn't work I'm not sure I ever want to do this again. I never expected all of the issues with the fluid in my lungs and my belly and all the pain and sickness that comes along with it. I may change my mind but at this point I am saying that I will not do any more fresh cycles. I can't imagine having to put my body through this again. I haven't eaten anything really in about 2 days now. I know this may seem like whining and I assure you I am not trying to whine, but I am miserable. Well, I guess that's about it for now. While I am excited that our embies are doing so well I am concerned about putting anything back in when I am feeling like this, but we have come so far and I have to trust in God that he had an ultimate plan for us.

Embie Update!!!

We just got a call with our transfer time for Monday. We are scheduled for 1pm. Also we asked about the state of our embies, and she said that all 10 are doing excellent. She said some were 6 cell, some 8 cell, and some were beginning to compact. We are so proud of our little embies!

Transfer Update

Since Morrisa is sleeping I will update for her upon her request. She didn't want you guys worrying about her, by not hearing anything.

Wow what a night and start to the weekend. Last night Morrisa was in extreme pain and had a lot of pressure in her upper abdomen and I couldn't take seeing her in that much pain so we agreed that a trip to the E.R. is probably the best thing to do. If anything they could do something for her pain right? So after ultrasounds and hours of waiting to hear from the E.R. doc the verdict was that she had fluid in her abdomen as we suspected from hyper stimulation and she also has fluid in her lungs. We were concerned about her having fluid in her lungs but they spoke with the on call dr at Shady Grove and we can leave and go to Shady Grove in the morning. So at 3:45am we departed for home and left the house this morning at 8am so we could make it to Rockville. She felt sick all night and when she got up this morning vomited a couple times. She also still had a lot of pressure right below her sternum I guess it is (rib cage) and what she said feels like a beach ball in her stomach. They took her right away and did another ultrasound and the dr said that "yes there is fluid but if it were up to him and if we were transferring today he would still go ahead with it." With that said he then told us that they moved our transfer day from today to Monday. He couldn't give us a total number of embies that are still growing but did say that there were quite a few. We have to call first thing tomorrow morning to let them know how she is feeling and we will ask then because we are so curious to know how many of the 10 embies there are remaining. As of a couple hours ago Morrisa was still feeling bad but took something they gave her for her sickness feeling and a vicodin and has been sleeping since. So I will update when I know how she's feeling now and when we hear how many embies we have.