The Most Beautiful Sound (11w1d)

Well, we got a surprise when we got home from work yesterday and found our doppler waiting for us. It was a surprise because it wasn't supposed to arrive until Thursday. So we immediately headed back to the bedroom to try it out. I kept my bladder full because the papers inside suggested that it may be easier to hear the h/b with a full bladder. I laid back on the bed, pulled down my pants and Shawn got the doppler ready. It came with batteries so all we had to do was pop in the batteries. Then Shawn gelled up the doppler and we went to town. We started where the book suggested, right in the middle between my belly button and pubic bone. We spent the next 20 minutes hunting for the little one's h/b. We found mine plenty of times (it's amazing all the different places you can pick up you h/b way down there) which seemed to range from 80 to 90, so I knew it wasn't the baby's. I actually didn't freak out when we couldn't find it, I knew it would take a while the first time because baby is so small. Finally, after about 20 minutes of looking we heard something much faster. It was so clear, the most beautiful sound ever. The reading on the doppler showed 178 and I knew it had to be Doozer's. It was an awesome sound, so worth the money we are spending to rent this thing every month. We wanted to record the sound on our digital camera (the doppler does not have a recording device) but my amazing Dh had softball (again). So we will record it this evening (since we have decided to listen once a day) and we will also take the dreaded belly pic. Hopefully from now on it will be easier to find the h/b since we know where the baby is, unless he is practicing Olympic swimming and going from side to side. So, for now, I am pleased with my decision to rent a doppler, I think it is helping me not to worry so much over every little ache and pain.

Speaking of aches and pains, I have been feeling some soreness in my lower belly when I wake up in the morning, almost like I have been exercising. I have also been feeling a pulling stretching pain in my left side, kind of where my ovary would be. I called my OB and he said that it could be round ligament pain but not to worry unless it is non-stop or I spot or bleed. I also called my OB because my acid reflux began to really become unbearable. I stopped taking my prescription Prilosec because I read that it is a category C medication and may not be safe for pregnancy. I was getting unbearable heartburn no matter what I ate and an intense pressure in my chest that made me feel like I was choking. My Ob said that I cannot take the Prilosec but I should try Zantac 150 twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. Let me tell you, I feel so much better now! I still have some mild heartburn here and there but nothing like before!

As for my symptoms, here is what I am dealing with so far:

• Soreness in my tummy in the mornings, like sore muscles.
• Pulling and stretching pain on left side.
• Heartburn, although much better now.
• Extreme tiredness.
• And now I have went to just feeling awful in the morning and only puking once (around 6 or 7 weeks) to puking every morning. I thought it was supposed to go the other way, where you start to feel better the closer you get to the second trimester, instead, I feel myself getting worse.
• Very mild breast tenderness, hardly worth mentioning.

But there is no complaints here, I am feeling extremely blessed to be where I am. I thank God every single day that He has blessed us with this child. I know there are no guarantees, but I find myself slowly believing that we may actually get to bring home a baby in January. I am so excited to finally start the second trimester. Some of my books say it starts at 13 weeks, some say 14, but I'm going with 13 because it is closer. I still can't believe that we are here, it seems like a dream that would never come true.

Lastly, I am sorry that all of my posts have been about pregnancy, and that I have not posted or commented more often. I am still going through that odd phase where I don't know where I belong. To me I will always be an infertile, but I can't help but worry that my joy is causing others pain. I know how it feels to be happy for someone but jealous at the same time. I know how much it hurts to read what others are going through and want it so much for yourself. I will NEVER forget the pain that the last six years has brought me. I will NEVER be one of those women who immediately forget all about the pain of IF when they finally get pregnant. I feel each and every one of your pain so deeply, and I remember how it felt. I still deal with that pain every single day, because while I know I am blessed beyond belief, I still suffer from the same emotions and worries. And you know what? I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't want to ever forget how infertility has changed my life in more ways than I can ever imagine. I don't want to forget what a miracle a child is or how much pain and expense some of us go through to get what others so easily achieve. So please, don't ever think that I have become one of them, someone so wrapped up in their own pregnancy that they forget that there are still so many out there suffering. If I ever act like that, let me know. I talk about my pregnancy a lot because it is what is on my mind 24/7. There isn't a moment of the day when I don't think about our little one. I also have nothing else to discuss because I am either sleeping, working or eating, that's about it! So, that was my long winded slightly pregnancy hormone induced explanation for why my posts and comments have been few and far between and why all of my posts are usually pregnancy related.

Lastly, did any of you watch Baby Borrowers last night? I'm curious what you thought about it. I will tell you my thoughts but I want to see what some of you thought first. Also, do any of you watch So You Think You Can Dance? OMG, I love Twitch, he is just too cute for words! In case you haven't noticed, I am a reality TV junkie!

8w5d

Sorry I have been MIA for a while! It's just I haven't really had anything to say. Life has been pretty uneventful which is a good thing. I'm still feeling sick every morning but no complaining here. My boobs are getting bigger which I do not like at all! I am already a 38d and now I am overflowing out of that! I don't want bigger boobs! I finally have my first OB appointment scheduled for Tuesday, June 17th at 2:00 p.m. I really hope they at least try and get the baby's heartbeat. Does anyone know if it will be too early? I will be 9w6d by then. I need some sort of reassurance! Can anyone tell me what to expect at the first OB appointment? They told me to plan on it being an hour and a half! An hour with the nurse and 1/2 hour with the doctor. What will the doctor do that will take 1/2 hour?

My weekend was pretty lazy and uneventful. Friday evening I finally went with Dh to the hospital to see his grandmother. I just couldn't bear not seeing her since her stroke. I was kind of worried that she wouldn't remember me because there is some people she can't remember (although Dh thinks it's more like she doesn't want to remember them.) But when we got there she knew exactly who I was and call me "Mo" which is what his family calls me. She couldn't move the left side of her body and was still only answering questions in one or two words but she was aware of what was going on and even smiled and laughed a few times. They moved her to a rehab facility on Saturday where I know she will try like a champ to get better. The only not so great thing is that we think she has forgotten that her husband passed away. She asked Dh's dad if he was going to visit his father. We think that she thinks that he is still in the hospital. It will be hard to break it to her again but we don't think now is the right time.

Saturday we had our Strawberry Festival at church. I was initially going to go in the morning and help but it was so hot and was supposed to be almost 100 degrees so Dh and I decided I would stay home and he would go, no complaining from me! I spent the day lounging on the couch reading. I started to develop a headache around mid-day on Saturday that despite extra-strength Tylenol every 4 hours did not leave until Sunday night. In fact, during church on Sunday I had to leave in the middle of the service because the headache turned into a horrible migraine so I spent a good portion of Sunday in bed with ice over my eyes.

So, all in all a pretty boring weekend. This next weekend coming up I have to go to a small baby shower my Mom is throwing for my half sister in-law. I'm going to make my first attempt at making a diaper cake. I love these things and think they are so cute so I thought I would give it a try. I am pretty crafty and I need something to keep me busy this week while Dh plays softball on Tuesday and Wednesday. I anyone has ever made one of these I would love any tips. I will post a picture of it when I am finished.

Well, I guess that's it...ta ta for now!!!!!

7w6d

Yup, I'm not so creative with the titles lately. I'm sorry I haven't written lately but I really don't have much to say. That combined with the fact that I still feel fantastically awful in the mornings makes it difficult to sit down and write a post. Lets see, since I last posted:

• I continue to have m/s as I posted above. Some days are better than others. But I don't mind because I just keep on hoping that it means Doozer is growing big and strong.
  
• I had another person ask me when I was due! I mean seriously, can't a gal have swollen ovaries without getting questioned? I decided that I need some looser shirts until the bloat goes down so I plan on shopping in the next couple of days. Hopefully that will eliminate these types of questions.
• Dh's grandmother (the one who recently lost her husband) had a stroke on Friday. She is doing better and can speak in sentences for the most part and is beginning to have feeling in her arms and legs. The is obviously another blow on the family who has already been through so much over the last few months. I haven't been to visit her because the family thinks its best I don't go to the hospital right now. They don't want me to be too stressed and also don't want me to be exposed to anything in the hospital. I can't even begin to tell you how much this little baby means to our family. There hasn't been a baby born on Shawn's dad's side of the family for about 7 years now so this little guys is very much wanted and loved. So everyone is a little overprotective of my health. I makes me feel kind of strange but I do understand and appreciate it.
• I have my 8 week u/s with me RE tomorrow. If all goes well we will graduate to my OB. I am nervous as always. I notice that about 2 days before the u/s the nerves start creeping in and I begin to worry if everything is okay. I am still scared something is going to go wrong because it still seems too good to be true. It's almost like I'm reading someone else's blog wishing it was me. I mean, I had never even seen a positive HPT in my life! It just keeps on getting better and better and I am so afraid it is all going to slip away. But I'm leaving it in God's hands because I know He will take care of me. And I have to trust that He knows what's best for me, but I sure do hope it's to have this baby stick around and come to meet us in January.

Well, that's about it. I will be back tomorrow to let you know the news about our 8 week u/s. Please pray all goes well and that our little Doozer has continued to grow big and strong with a nice strong heartbeat!

Are you alright hun? (6w6d)

He he, the title of my post will be explained in a moment. We had a very relaxing weekend!! Dh’s grandmother owns a farmhouse in Western Maryland and we spent the weekend there. We left Saturday morning because usually traffic is bad on Friday evening memorial day weekend. I took everyone’s advice and kept some cheerios by the bedside and ate them before I got out of bed. Actually, I woke up feeling yucky in the middle of the night a couple of times and had to eat some cheerios then too. I took my time getting out of bed and it seemed to help a bit. We met Dh’s grandmother at Cracker Barrel for breakfast and I ate more than I have in a week! I guess I am going to have my days where I feel better and some days where I feel terrible. Saturday was definitely one of the better days. I spent most of my weekend sitting in a lounge chair in the yard watching Dh build a porch and reading Harry Potter for the nine-millionth time. The weather was beautiful this weekend! I was able to take naps when I needed them and basically lounge around all day. I did notice that while I feel completely exhausted and sometimes really need a nap if I take a nap I feel worse when I wake up. I don’t know what that is about but instead of feeling rested I feel even more tired and sick on top of that. I almost feel like I haven’t slept in 24 hours straight. Sunday night I didn’t feel good at all and woke up several times throughout the night and had to snack on my cheerios. I spent some time in the bathroom sure I was going to puke but thank God I didn’t. I was even dreaming about puking and woke up in the middle of the night with my head hanging off of the edge of the bed like I was going to puke. It was scary to think that I may have actually puked in my sleep if I hadn’t woken up. On Monday I felt even worse. The three hour ride home was awful and I was so exhausted and nauseous. Dh and I both took a nap for about three hours when we got home and of course I woke up feeling even worse. This morning I felt pretty awful. I finally gave in and took one of the Zofran they gave me when I had the OHSS. It seemed to help and now I am feeling a bit better. When I go for my u/s tomorrow I am going to ask my Re for another prescription for some more Zofran.

Now, on to my title. Let me preface this by saying that I am VERY bloated! I guess it is my ovaries combined with the normal bloat for this time in a pregnancy. So, I bought a tummy sleeve from Motherhood and I have been wearing it with my pants since I can’t button my pants right now. So anyway, on to the story. When we arrived at the farm house Dh and I decided that we needed to go to the store and pick up some soda I could drink and some snacks for me. So we went to the local hillbilly grocery store on top of the mountain. I picked up some snacks and we got in line to check out. It was about that time that I started not to feel well. I really needed to eat something and was basically salivating looking at the snacks we were purchasing. I guess I looked a little sick feeling because the cashier looked at me and asked “Are you okay hun? Is the baby kicking?” She really caught me off guard asking a question like that. I mean, yeah, I am bloated but I don’t think I am quite big enough that someone should be asking me a question like that! I recovered quickly and said something like “Um, not quite yet, I’m just not feeling well.” She proceeded to go on to offer me something to drink. I told her no I would be fine. I walked out of the store laughing but I couldn’t help but think how different I would have felt had a NOT been pregnant. What if I was still just bloated from the OHSS and someone said that to me? How crushed would that make me feel? I mean, isn’t like common courtesy to not ask someone about their baby unless it is 100% obvious that they are pregnant? I just couldn’t believe that I could be that bloated! It made me feel crappy about my body. I’m already feeling fat as it is. I’m having an awful time fitting into my clothes and I am already dreading having to go buy a bigger pair of pants and shirts that are a little loose fitting. So this didn’t make me feel any better.

Anyway, I wish I had more to write about. I love all of the new commenters and I can’t wait to check out everyone’s blog. I have my 7 week ultrasound and I am excited and scared at the same time. I hope my little Doozer has grown and has a nice strong heartbeat. I think if all goes well I may be graduating from my RE tomorrow. I am hopeful because of the morning sickness and hoping that it means my little guy is growing but I will feel better when I get to see for myself. I am also nervous because I am not feeling as much cramps as I used to, but I was also worried when I was feeling the cramps so I guess you can’t win with me. Please pray that all is well with my little Doozer! My appointment is at 8:15 tomorrow and I will update when I get back to work.

Morning Sickness= 1; Morrisa= 0

Yup, I had my first puke this morning. I haven't been feeling great in the mornings for a little over a week but nothing like this! As soon as I got our of bed I started to gag and I knew it was time. I feel awful! I didn't take a shower this morning because I am dizzy and just feeling terrible. I will have to start taking showers at night. I feel like I have been run over by a truck! I ate some toast for breakfast and that is about it so far. I hope this means my little Doozer is growing strong. Let's see if I can make it through work without puking.