And we wait...

…again. I went to visit the Re’s office AGAIN this morning. My lining is thicker (she didn’t tell me the measurement nor did I really care) and I have 4 measurable follies, 3 at 10mm and one at 11 mm and of course a bazillion little buggers. But, all in all I am uninterested in the u/s results at this point, it’s the b/w results that really matter. I did however take a peak at my chart which they left up on the computer screen while I was getting dressed (okay, really I stood there with no pants while I perused the chart but whatever.) What did I find out you ask? Well, I found out that I have had 8 completed IUIs with them and who knows how many cancelled cycles, but, the most interesting thing I found out is that when my nurse called on Monday to tell me that my e2 dropped “low enough” what she really meant was that it dropped to 64, which is only 3 points lower than the time before. I’m interested in this because they told me it needed to drop below 50 before I could start stims because then I could possibly overstim. Hmmm…could that be the reason my e2 skyrocketed? I’m not sure what happened, maybe the doctor just decided that it had dropped low enough, maybe he just decided that I am such a hopeless case that there was no point in waiting, I’m not sure but I am going to ask when they call. I do trust my doctor to make the right decisions so I am sure he had a good reason. So, the bottom line is I have no idea what the future holds for this cycle, I have no idea if I am on the brink of being cancelled or if adjustments can fix the e2 issue. I suppose the only thing left to do is wait for the call. I am hoping that the fact that a few follies seem to be growing bigger than the others is a good sign, meaning that they all aren’t growing at the same rate but I really have no idea. I hate the fact that I can’t control this, I am such a control freak and this is killing me! I will update when I hear the news…whatever it may be.

***Updated*** My nurse just called. The first thing she said was, "did you see how they were able to measure some of you follicles today?" She said that is exactly what they are looking for, some follicles to take the lead and not all 30 of them to go crazy. She said they are going to lower my dose again to 50 units of Follistim and keep the 75 units of Menopur the same. I didn't ask about the e2 level because I didn't want to know. I thought it would create more stress if I knew the number. She said the reason they are decreasing the Follistim again is because they want to feed the dominant follies and not all of the other little ones. I have to go back tomorrow morning for another u/s & b/w. I'm not really sure what to think, I agree with the slow & steady approach and have no problem with them lowering my Follistim dose as long as things continue to grow as they should. I am hoping and praying that my body cooperates but I would like to have more than 4 follies, I'm not even sure that is enough to do an ER. But I have to take one thing at a time and right now my goal is NOT to get cancelled. So I will consider this a small...very small victory. I was already prepared that I would have to go in every day for u/s & b/w but it is good to know that my RE is taking the time to watch me closely and not just blowing me off. I wish this were easier, I wish I could just have a normal cycle, but nothing about my body is normal. I also think that although I might think that other people have "normal cycles" they are just as stressful as my crazy cycle. This is one of those things that is going to teach me to lean on God, my husband, and all of you for support when I just can't do it myself, and I am thankful every single day that I got the chance to meet all of you. Anyway, enough sappy crap, for now I am cautiously optimistic and that doesn't happen very often. I might update this weekend with my u/s & b/w results but I might not, so don't worry if you don't hear from me. Have a good weekend, hopefully the weather wherever you are is just as beautiful as it is here.

P.S. Where is everyone today? No blog updates from most of you, no comments, is there some sort of infertile women convention going on somewhere that I missed?

Another Road Bump

Well, I just got a call from my nurse. I now have 31 follicles total, all too small to measure and my e2 has skyrocketed to 494. So, I have to cut my Follistim dose in half (75 iu), continue on the 75 iu of Menopur and go back tomorrow morning. I swear, I wonder what it is like to have a normal uneventful cycle? Guess I will never know. There is no doubt that all of this is being caused by my PCOS. I know 31 follicles sounds great but it isn't. If there are too many follicles then none of them will get big enough to retrieve. So, now we have to try to slow my body down. I just have a very bad feeling that my very first IVF cycle is going to end up getting cancelled. Maybe I should join a circus to raise money for more treatments, but I guess not too many people want to look at the freak with the defective ovaries. Anyway, I will update tomorrow morning although obviously the secret lies in the bloodwork at least for me. Please pray, or send your thoughts, or whatever you do, that my body cooperates for once.

Also, please stop by and give Erin a hug, she got a negative beta today and could use some support.

Lurpon Eval 3.0

I want to apologize for not posting this morning and also for this being a somewhat short post. I have been really sick this weekend! I have had diarrhea since Wednesday evening. On Friday I had a fever of 102. We decided to go to Gettysburg anyway so that we didn't waste our money. I spent the whole weekend being sick and we didn't leave the hotel room. On Saturday night I started throwing up also. So we left and came home early Sunday morning and headed to my doctor's office. They wanted to give me an IV with some fluids since I was so dehydrated and couldn't even keep water down. They were able to start an IV right in the doctor's office (who knew?) It took three people one hour to find a vein and some horribly painful sticking. I spent about 5 hours total at the doctors office. Basically I have a stomach virus and I also learned that I have a UTI. I didn't notice that I had the UTI due to all of the other issues with my stomach. I was still throwing up this morning so I stayed home from work and Dh stayed home to take care of me. I did go to my Lupron eval 3.0 today. It hurt so bad when they put the wand in because of the UTI. Everything still looked good and I got a call from my nurse not too long ago saying that my e2 finally dropped. She is supposed to call me back shortly with a final confirmation that everything is okay to begin (I think because they can only have so many people starting stims on the same day.) I think I puked out all of my e2! So, that's it for me now, I am so tired. I will update when I get the call from my nurse.

P.S. Thank all of you for letting me wallow in my self pity. Every now and then we all need some time to feel sorry for ourselves and that was my time. I appreciate all of the warm words and prayers. You ladies are the best!

**Updated** I got the official okay to start my stims tonight! We finally get to start! I am so relieved that we finally got past the suppression phase. Lets hope my ovaries respond well to the stims. I will be doing 150 units of Follistim and 75 units of Menopur starting tonight and tomorrow morning I drop the Lupron down to 5 units. I go on Thursday for my first u/s. Hopefully by then the UTI pain will be gone!

My Body Sucks!

Well, once again, my body defies and mystifies medical science. My e2 went down to 67, still not low enough to stim. So, I have to go back on Monday but judging that it only went down 10 points in three days it likely won't be low enough on Monday. So I am probably in for another 6 days of Lupron before I even start the stims. It sucks, but once again proves why it pays to be pessimistic (and no, stress is not causing my e2 to stay elevated.) So, what can I do except keep on doing the evil Lupron? It will just add to my crappy weekend having to spend a weekend away lying in bed because I have a stomach virus. Not only that but we will be paying $300 to be lying in bed. If we cancel they will charge us the full amount. The crazy thing is, I have tried searching the Internet to find other who have been in my situation and I have come up with nothing. You mean to tell me I am the only one out there who has had this issue (it doesn't surprise me honestly but still)? Oh well, maybe I can be on Oprah or something. Please allow me my time to wallow in self pity...thanks. Maybe I will post from our bed & breakfast if they have internet access.

Lupron Eval 2.0

I had my second (and hopefully last) Lupron evaluation today. All looks good, my lining is at a 5.8 now (it was 7.2 on cd3) so hopefully this means my e2 has dropped. We wont really know anything until we get the bloodwork results though. I had a sonographer that I have never met before today and I didn’t like her very much. She didn’t even turn the screen so I could see it so I sat up to look until she got the hint. I am dealing with a stomach virus of sorts and have had terrible diarrhea for 2 days now (sorry TMI.) I can’t eat anything without immediately having to go to the bathroom. I didn’t sleep well at all last night and had to get up three times to use the bathroom. I just feel awful and I cant seem to shake it. I still have some pain in the left side of my abdomen which I assuming is being caused by this virus. It sucks because we leave tonight for our weekend getaway and I don’t want to be sick during it. But, they will charge us if we cancel and I have been looking forward to this for a long time so no matter what I am going. So, now we wait for a call from my nurse to see whether we can actually start stims tonight. I will update when I hear.

Some Reassurance

Okay, so my nurse never returned my phone call so I called her again this morning. She happened to answer the phone this time though. I told her I was a little concerned about the e2 level being high. I told her what I read on the internet (because you know if you read it on the internet it must be true.) Here is basically what she told me:

* I have PCOS so I have an abundance of follicles so I don’t need to worry about diminishing ovarian reserve.

* They would definitely tell me if I got a bad test result, meaning something to worry about.

* Some people need to be on Lupron longer than others. She thinks that because my lining was still shedding (I still had a very heavy flow up until yesterday) that it was the reason for the higher e2 levels. She said uterine lining can raise the estrogen levels.

* If I go back on Friday and my e2 is still too high they may either increase my Lupron or just have me do the Lupron for a few more days, BUT this is not something that will cause them to cancel my cycle, we will just have to delay it until however long my body takes.

So, with that being said I feel much better. I just have to convince myself not to be too upset if it is still a little high on Friday. So wish me luck tomorrow! Also, we are leaving for Gettysburg tomorrow for a much needed and much deserved mini-vacation rain or no rain.

Oh Bother...

So, I am feeling pretty down in the dumps today both emotionally and physically. Of course I consulted Dr. Google about the high e2 levels and saw scary things like “diminished ovarian reserve.” So, now I am totally convinced that not only is this IVF cycle going to be cancelled but that I am going to receive a new more horrible diagnosis on top of the PCOS. I looked back at my e2 levels from my IUI/injectable cycle and my day 3 e2 was also high, 105. I read that a normal day 3 e2 level should be below 75 for a non IVF cycle so even the 105 was high. No one ever mentioned that this number was high. So I am a bit concerned. I did call my nurse back and leave a message shortly after we hung up but have yet to hear back from her. It is kind of annoying how you have to wait so long for someone just to call you back with an answer to a question but I understand they are busy. I had a pretty rough day yesterday. My boss was in a pissy mood and once I got the news that we had to postpone starting the stims my day just got worse and worse. I was so looking forward to actually starting this cycle and was optimistic. I told Dh that this is exactly why I don’t get optimistic about things because things always go wrong and then I am disappointed. This is just another example of why being pessimistic works for me as a defense mechanism. So, while I am trying to stay positive I am expecting them to tell me my e2 has not gone down on Friday. I asked the question on a couple of message boards and got absolutely no responses. Leave it to my body to do something weird that no one else has heard of. Last night I started having a lot of pain in my left lower abdomen, like a lot of pressure. I have had diarrhea (sorry TMI) all morning and couldn't finish my breakfast. So on top of all of this I have some sort of stomach issue going on. It is yet another gloomy rainy day outside which adds to my misery quite nicely. Also, it is supposed to rain all weekend thereby making our weekend away at Gettysburg difficult because frankly there isn’t a whole lot to do inside there. So, I guess what I am really saying is that I could use some hugs and soothing words to calm my fears. Anyone offering free hugs? I'm off to see if I can fit my head in the microwave...

Crap

Well, because my body refuses to do anything "by the book" it has decided that it is not quite ready for stims. My nurse just called and said that my E2 was at 78 and it needs to be below 50 to start the stims. So I have to continue the 20 units of Lupron and go back on Friday for them to retest. I have no idea what this means and I will be consulting Dr. Google as soon as I am done this post. So, lets hope that my E2 drops to where it should be on Friday. Man I hate my stupid body! The one good thing in all of this is that we wont have to come into the clinic during our weekend away...oh joy...