Dear Doozer,
This is your Mommy. You probably can’t hear my voice quite yet but I read that in the next couple of weeks you will be able to hear me talking! I already talk to you a lot anyway though. Mommy is so excited to finally be in the second trimester! Mommy has been trying to read a lot of books and information to learn all about you and how you are growing. Mommy is also trying very hard to take good care of herself and be healthy and strong. The doctor tells Mommy that she has gestational diabetes which means that Mommy has to be careful what she eats, monitor her blood sugar, and give herself an insulin shot every night. Don’t worry though, Mommy is used to giving herself shots (wait until Mommy and Daddy tell you all they went through to get you here) and it doesn’t hurt.
Mommy and Daddy listen to your little heartbeat every single night. It is the highlight of my day and I look forward to it all day. Your little heart beats so fast, it sounds like a galloping horse! Mommy especially loves to hear you kick with the Doppler. It makes Mommy & Daddy giggle to hear you kick and move around. Mommy can’t feel your kicks yet but I am sure waiting for that moment. Every once in a while I try to sit really still and see if I can feel any “flutters” but I haven’t felt anything yet. That’s okay though, it’s still early and in the next few weeks Mommy will hopefully begin to feel you move.
I can’t wait for you to meet your Daddy. I know you are going to love him! Daddy puts his hand on my belly every morning and every night and tells you how much he loves you. Your Daddy is the most amazing man, a wonderful husband, and I know he will be an amazing father. He takes such good care of me and you. Your Daddy has the most gentle and kind touch and strong loving arms that I know will hold you tight whenever you need it. Your Daddy is so silly and full of life, just like big kid! Daddy makes Mommy smile and giggle when she needs it and I know he will do the same for you. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if your first smile is reserved especially for your Daddy!
Mommy has been thinking a lot about whether you are a boy or a girl. Just a few more weeks until we can find out! Mommy and Daddy think you are a boy (just a feeling) but we don’t care either way. We will be happy no matter what! Just continue to grow healthy and strong. Little miracle, there are so many people who already love you and can’t wait to meet you. Please continue to grow healthy and strong so you can come and meet your Mommy & Daddy who have waited so long for you! I love you!
Love,
Mommy
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
13 Weeks!
I know, I know, I have been a bad blogger, a whole week without an update! But I have had a busy week and I have so much to tell you! First, the most exciting news, I am 13 weeks today and according to some of my books I am in the second trimester! Some of my books say 14 weeks starts the second trimester but I'm going with 13 because it is closer! I am so thrilled and excited to be in the second trimester. I never thought in a million years I would be able to say that! We celebrated by listening to baby on the doppler this morning. We always listen at night after dinner so it was a nice treat to listen in the morning. Baby was very active this morning moving and making all kinds of thumping sounds on the doppler. I cried for the first time in a long time while listening to the doppler. I can't believe we have made it here. I know there is still a long ways to go but I feel like this is a milestone worth celebrating. I also cried because I am the happiest I have been in a very long time and it breaks my heart that all of you are not experiencing the same happiness. I think about it a lot and I pray every single day that each and every one of you will be here someday soon.
I went back to my OB on Thursday. He wants to see me once a week until we get my blood sugar under control. He looked at my blood sugar log that I have been keeping and said that my blood sugar looks great except for in the morning when I wake up. It is higher than it is all day when I first wake up in the morning. It is supposed to be below 95 and mine ranges from 115 to 126. So, he said that since a fasting blood sugar cannot be affected by diet (because we don't eat in the middle of the night) he put me on insulin. I am to do one shot, 20 units, sub-q, in the evening after dinner. He seemed worried that I wouldn't be able to give myself a shot and I had to remind him that I was a fertility patient. So, I thought I was rid of shots, but alas I am still the human pincushion and probably will be throughout the rest of my pregnancy. The good thing is that my sugar doesn't seem to be affected by what I eat during the day and I can eat what I want as long as I avoid high sugar and massive carbs.
But now I have to tell you the funny thing that happened at my OB appointment. When they called me back they took me into a little room to weigh me and take my blood pressure. I thought this was strange since I was told I was there just for a consultation for my blood sugar. I have gained 1.5 lbs since my first OB appointment! Then the nurse sat me down and asked me when my last period was. I thought this was odd because clearly they already have this info but I told her April 9th (which is my made up day so no one gets confused about the IVF.) She looked at me funny and said "Are you taking any medications to keep you from having a period?" Huh? I was confused, I said "I'm pregnant." She looked at me like I was from mars. Then she looked at her chart and asked me my name. I told her and she laughed and told me that she thought I was another patient there for a pap! So then they took me back into the waiting room and called me again. This time I was put into the office to wait for the doctor. He came in, asked me how I was feeling and whipped out the doppler. I was still confused but whatever, so we listened to the baby's h/b which was 150. He felt my belly and said he could just feel my uterus coming above my pelvic bone (which I still cannot feel, am I missing something?) Then he told me all looked good and to make an appointment for 4 weeks. Again, I was confused. I asked wasn't I there to discuss blood sugar. He looked at my chart and said, yes you are, but they put you in under a routine OB appointment so I didn't know. Ahhhh! So, then we finally discussed my blood sugar which was the whole reason I was there to begin with. So, a visit that they told me would take 1/2 hour ended up taking an hour and a half. I have to go back on Friday to see how everything is going. I am now confused as to when my next actual OB appointment is because it was scheduled for next Wednesday, but since they already did one I'm not sure if I am still supposed to go or not. I will ask on Friday.
We went to our farmhouse in Western Maryland this weekend for the 4th. It was a pretty boring weekend over all as it rained the whole entire time! We went to an Amish furniture store and we found the crib and changing table that we want. This is the crib.
We want to get it in a lighter wood to match the trim in our house. The crib converts from a crib to a toddler bed to a twin bed. We thought this would be great because then Doozer can use it all throughout his/her time at home. I don't have a picture of the changing table but it starts out as a changing table and can the be flipped over to a dresser. So neat! The quality of the wood is amazing! Much nicer than our bedroom set. It will cost us a tiny bit more than if we were to not get it custom made by Amish but we think it is worth it. We didn't order it now because I thought it was too early but when we go back in September we will order it.
Since our weekend at the farm was boring there isn't much to tell but I do have to tell you something funny that Dh's cousin asked me. I walked into the kitchen to be confronted by Dh's 6 year old cousin. The conversation went like this:
"Mo, I have a question."
"Sure, what is your question."
"Did you and Shawn get married again?"
"No, why?"
"Well then how did you get the baby in your belly if you didn't get married again?"
"Err..." I was temped to say the doctor put it there but I thought that might confuse her so I said, " God put it there."
"Oh, okay." Walks away...
He he. I thought it was a funny question and thought it was even funnier when I found out she asked Shawn first and he said, "Go ask your Mom."
Lastly, I have some very exciting news! I am going to be in the newspaper! I have been talking with a reporter for the Baltimore Sun who is doing a story on infertility bloggers. We had a photographer come to our house last night to take our pictures. Hopefully the article will be coming out shortly and I will definitely post a link when it comes out. I am thrilled that my story is going to make headlines and I hope that it helps to raise awareness about PCOS and infertility which is the whole reason I started this blog to begin with. I hope that one day people wont see infertility as a dirty little secret that should be ignored, but as a genuine medical condition that affects millions of people. So, look for the article to come out shortly!
Well, I think this update is long enough. I promise to update more often and I apologize for not commenting more often but I have had a busy week!
I went back to my OB on Thursday. He wants to see me once a week until we get my blood sugar under control. He looked at my blood sugar log that I have been keeping and said that my blood sugar looks great except for in the morning when I wake up. It is higher than it is all day when I first wake up in the morning. It is supposed to be below 95 and mine ranges from 115 to 126. So, he said that since a fasting blood sugar cannot be affected by diet (because we don't eat in the middle of the night) he put me on insulin. I am to do one shot, 20 units, sub-q, in the evening after dinner. He seemed worried that I wouldn't be able to give myself a shot and I had to remind him that I was a fertility patient. So, I thought I was rid of shots, but alas I am still the human pincushion and probably will be throughout the rest of my pregnancy. The good thing is that my sugar doesn't seem to be affected by what I eat during the day and I can eat what I want as long as I avoid high sugar and massive carbs.
But now I have to tell you the funny thing that happened at my OB appointment. When they called me back they took me into a little room to weigh me and take my blood pressure. I thought this was strange since I was told I was there just for a consultation for my blood sugar. I have gained 1.5 lbs since my first OB appointment! Then the nurse sat me down and asked me when my last period was. I thought this was odd because clearly they already have this info but I told her April 9th (which is my made up day so no one gets confused about the IVF.) She looked at me funny and said "Are you taking any medications to keep you from having a period?" Huh? I was confused, I said "I'm pregnant." She looked at me like I was from mars. Then she looked at her chart and asked me my name. I told her and she laughed and told me that she thought I was another patient there for a pap! So then they took me back into the waiting room and called me again. This time I was put into the office to wait for the doctor. He came in, asked me how I was feeling and whipped out the doppler. I was still confused but whatever, so we listened to the baby's h/b which was 150. He felt my belly and said he could just feel my uterus coming above my pelvic bone (which I still cannot feel, am I missing something?) Then he told me all looked good and to make an appointment for 4 weeks. Again, I was confused. I asked wasn't I there to discuss blood sugar. He looked at my chart and said, yes you are, but they put you in under a routine OB appointment so I didn't know. Ahhhh! So, then we finally discussed my blood sugar which was the whole reason I was there to begin with. So, a visit that they told me would take 1/2 hour ended up taking an hour and a half. I have to go back on Friday to see how everything is going. I am now confused as to when my next actual OB appointment is because it was scheduled for next Wednesday, but since they already did one I'm not sure if I am still supposed to go or not. I will ask on Friday.
We went to our farmhouse in Western Maryland this weekend for the 4th. It was a pretty boring weekend over all as it rained the whole entire time! We went to an Amish furniture store and we found the crib and changing table that we want. This is the crib.
We want to get it in a lighter wood to match the trim in our house. The crib converts from a crib to a toddler bed to a twin bed. We thought this would be great because then Doozer can use it all throughout his/her time at home. I don't have a picture of the changing table but it starts out as a changing table and can the be flipped over to a dresser. So neat! The quality of the wood is amazing! Much nicer than our bedroom set. It will cost us a tiny bit more than if we were to not get it custom made by Amish but we think it is worth it. We didn't order it now because I thought it was too early but when we go back in September we will order it.Since our weekend at the farm was boring there isn't much to tell but I do have to tell you something funny that Dh's cousin asked me. I walked into the kitchen to be confronted by Dh's 6 year old cousin. The conversation went like this:
"Mo, I have a question."
"Sure, what is your question."
"Did you and Shawn get married again?"
"No, why?"
"Well then how did you get the baby in your belly if you didn't get married again?"
"Err..." I was temped to say the doctor put it there but I thought that might confuse her so I said, " God put it there."
"Oh, okay." Walks away...
He he. I thought it was a funny question and thought it was even funnier when I found out she asked Shawn first and he said, "Go ask your Mom."
Lastly, I have some very exciting news! I am going to be in the newspaper! I have been talking with a reporter for the Baltimore Sun who is doing a story on infertility bloggers. We had a photographer come to our house last night to take our pictures. Hopefully the article will be coming out shortly and I will definitely post a link when it comes out. I am thrilled that my story is going to make headlines and I hope that it helps to raise awareness about PCOS and infertility which is the whole reason I started this blog to begin with. I hope that one day people wont see infertility as a dirty little secret that should be ignored, but as a genuine medical condition that affects millions of people. So, look for the article to come out shortly!
Well, I think this update is long enough. I promise to update more often and I apologize for not commenting more often but I have had a busy week!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
12 Weeks!
I can't believe today is 12 weeks! I have no idea why I feel like 12 weeks is a milestone of some kind but I do. Does anyone know why 12 weeks is so special? I just remember people being excited to hit 12 weeks, so I'm excited! As for how I am feeling, still exhausted, still sick in the mornings, although I didn't puke for the first time in a while this morning. Now I have an awful head cold which is making me feel terrible! I have been drinking hot tea (caffeine free) like crazy and it if definitely soothing on a sore throat. But all in all I'm not complaining because I feel pretty good. I just wish I could get energy to do something around the house. My house is messy, and although Dh promises to clean I haven't really seen him do any serious cleaning. He does pick up one room every once in a while but the house on a whole is still a mess. I barely have energy to eat dinner before crashing on the couch when I get home from work. I'm hoping that soon my energy will come back.
As for the GD, to answer a couple of questions I have gotten: My numbers were not high, but on the high end of normal. My doctor wanted to be proactive and get it under control now instead of waiting. I wasn't a fan of this approach at first but after taking my blood sugar three times a day I am seeing that sometimes it spikes up. However, the strange thing is that it doesn't seem to correlate with what I am eating. My fasting blood sugar (when I first wake up in the morning) is supposed to be below 95 and is always around 120. I have no idea how or why it could be high in the morning. I eat the same exact thing for breakfast every morning. Sometimes 2 hours after breakfast my blood sugar is in the 80's, sometimes in the 90's and sometimes it is over 120. As far as what I am eating, I'm basically eating what I ate before but I have cut sugar out of my diet and have been trying to eat less starches. I have an OB appointment tomorrow to show my doctor my blood sugars and my food diary so I think I am going to ask him about possibly going back on Metformin. Although I hate the stuff, I'm thinking maybe it might help.
I've been thinking a lot about the sex of the baby. I really want to know! I feel like I could better connect with the little one if I knew if it was a boy or a girl. I have a hunch (of course not based on anything concrete) but I'm not going to tell you yet. Perhaps I will put up a poll to see what you think.
Last night while listening to baby on the doppler I am almost certain we heard him/her kick! We have been hearing some movement noises, or sometimes Doozer would disappear and we would have to find him again, but last night we heard a distinct noise that could only be kicking. It was the most amazing sound! It is so strange that there is this little creature in there moving around and I can't even feel it.
Lastly, Doozer has been getting lots of little gifts from family members. At first I wasn't sure how I felt about having people give us gifts for the baby so soon but I guess I am okay with it now. Here is Doozer's latest gift:
We got jerseys for Dh and I and a little teeny one for Doozer, too cute!
Friday, June 27, 2008
PCOS Strikes Again!
Wow, two posts in one day from me, right? Well, this one is not such great news. My OB nurse called and said that my blood sugars or glucose (or something, can’t really remember) came out high. Not dangerously high, but high. So, my OB, who knows a lot about PCOS, has decided to diagnose me with gestational diabetes at 11 weeks. He said because of my insulin problems and PCOS that if it is high now it will likely only get worse so it is better to get it under control now instead of later. So, I have to go to my doctor’s at 12:00 and pick up a glucometer and test strips and then meet with the nurse to go over how to use it and some sort of diet I am supposed to be on now. I am pissed but this is not unexpected. I just didn’t expect it this early. The good news is that little Doozer is healthy and I want to keep it that way. I have a hard time with diets but I don’t have a choice here, hopefully knowing that it is the very best for my baby will give me the will power I need. I’m a little annoyed with having to prick my finger all the time but it can’t be any worse than shots in the ass can it? Dh said he would do the diet with me because he needs to lose some weight as well. I appreciate that, it will make it easier if we are both eating healthier. So today when we get home we will empty out the fridge and go grocery shopping for whatever type of food they tell me I am supposed to eat. I’m guessing my favorite Oreo cookies wont be on the list huh? Please pray for me. I want to take care of this now because I want to be healthy and I want Doozer to be healthy too. Also, if any of you have had GD or know someone who has it could you please give me some advice, pointers, words of encouragement, something? I will update when I get back from the doctors.
Heartbeat
Here you are, a video of our doppler in use. You can hear the heartbeat beating nice and fast. I did take belly pics last night but I am not happy with them so I will try again tonight. Let me know what you think.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
The Most Beautiful Sound (11w1d)
Well, we got a surprise when we got home from work yesterday and found our doppler waiting for us. It was a surprise because it wasn't supposed to arrive until Thursday. So we immediately headed back to the bedroom to try it out. I kept my bladder full because the papers inside suggested that it may be easier to hear the h/b with a full bladder. I laid back on the bed, pulled down my pants and Shawn got the doppler ready. It came with batteries so all we had to do was pop in the batteries. Then Shawn gelled up the doppler and we went to town. We started where the book suggested, right in the middle between my belly button and pubic bone. We spent the next 20 minutes hunting for the little one's h/b. We found mine plenty of times (it's amazing all the different places you can pick up you h/b way down there) which seemed to range from 80 to 90, so I knew it wasn't the baby's. I actually didn't freak out when we couldn't find it, I knew it would take a while the first time because baby is so small. Finally, after about 20 minutes of looking we heard something much faster. It was so clear, the most beautiful sound ever. The reading on the doppler showed 178 and I knew it had to be Doozer's. It was an awesome sound, so worth the money we are spending to rent this thing every month. We wanted to record the sound on our digital camera (the doppler does not have a recording device) but my amazing Dh had softball (again). So we will record it this evening (since we have decided to listen once a day) and we will also take the dreaded belly pic. Hopefully from now on it will be easier to find the h/b since we know where the baby is, unless he is practicing Olympic swimming and going from side to side. So, for now, I am pleased with my decision to rent a doppler, I think it is helping me not to worry so much over every little ache and pain.
Speaking of aches and pains, I have been feeling some soreness in my lower belly when I wake up in the morning, almost like I have been exercising. I have also been feeling a pulling stretching pain in my left side, kind of where my ovary would be. I called my OB and he said that it could be round ligament pain but not to worry unless it is non-stop or I spot or bleed. I also called my OB because my acid reflux began to really become unbearable. I stopped taking my prescription Prilosec because I read that it is a category C medication and may not be safe for pregnancy. I was getting unbearable heartburn no matter what I ate and an intense pressure in my chest that made me feel like I was choking. My Ob said that I cannot take the Prilosec but I should try Zantac 150 twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. Let me tell you, I feel so much better now! I still have some mild heartburn here and there but nothing like before!
As for my symptoms, here is what I am dealing with so far:
Speaking of aches and pains, I have been feeling some soreness in my lower belly when I wake up in the morning, almost like I have been exercising. I have also been feeling a pulling stretching pain in my left side, kind of where my ovary would be. I called my OB and he said that it could be round ligament pain but not to worry unless it is non-stop or I spot or bleed. I also called my OB because my acid reflux began to really become unbearable. I stopped taking my prescription Prilosec because I read that it is a category C medication and may not be safe for pregnancy. I was getting unbearable heartburn no matter what I ate and an intense pressure in my chest that made me feel like I was choking. My Ob said that I cannot take the Prilosec but I should try Zantac 150 twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. Let me tell you, I feel so much better now! I still have some mild heartburn here and there but nothing like before!
As for my symptoms, here is what I am dealing with so far:
- Soreness in my tummy in the mornings, like sore muscles.
- Pulling and stretching pain on left side.
- Heartburn, although much better now.
- Extreme tiredness.
- And now I have went to just feeling awful in the morning and only puking once (around 6 or 7 weeks) to puking every morning. I thought it was supposed to go the other way, where you start to feel better the closer you get to the second trimester, instead, I feel myself getting worse.
- Very mild breast tenderness, hardly worth mentioning.
But there is no complaints here, I am feeling extremely blessed to be where I am. I thank God every single day that He has blessed us with this child. I know there are no guarantees, but I find myself slowly believing that we may actually get to bring home a baby in January. I am so excited to finally start the second trimester. Some of my books say it starts at 13 weeks, some say 14, but I'm going with 13 because it is closer. I still can't believe that we are here, it seems like a dream that would never come true.
Lastly, I am sorry that all of my posts have been about pregnancy, and that I have not posted or commented more often. I am still going through that odd phase where I don't know where I belong. To me I will always be an infertile, but I can't help but worry that my joy is causing others pain. I know how it feels to be happy for someone but jealous at the same time. I know how much it hurts to read what others are going through and want it so much for yourself. I will NEVER forget the pain that the last six years has brought me. I will NEVER be one of those women who immediately forget all about the pain of IF when they finally get pregnant. I feel each and every one of your pain so deeply, and I remember how it felt. I still deal with that pain every single day, because while I know I am blessed beyond belief, I still suffer from the same emotions and worries. And you know what? I wouldn't want it any other way. I don't want to ever forget how infertility has changed my life in more ways than I can ever imagine. I don't want to forget what a miracle a child is or how much pain and expense some of us go through to get what others so easily achieve. So please, don't ever think that I have become one of them, someone so wrapped up in their own pregnancy that they forget that there are still so many out there suffering. If I ever act like that, let me know. I talk about my pregnancy a lot because it is what is on my mind 24/7. There isn't a moment of the day when I don't think about our little one. I also have nothing else to discuss because I am either sleeping, working or eating, that's about it! So, that was my long winded slightly pregnancy hormone induced explanation for why my posts and comments have been few and far between and why all of my posts are usually pregnancy related.
Lastly, did any of you watch Baby Borrowers last night? I'm curious what you thought about it. I will tell you my thoughts but I want to see what some of you thought first. Also, do any of you watch So You Think You Can Dance? OMG, I love Twitch, he is just too cute for words! In case you haven't noticed, I am a reality TV junkie!
Monday, June 23, 2008
Decided!
Thank you all for your imput regarding my decision on whether or not to rent a doppler. After a lot of thinking I have decided to rent one. I went with this one. I decided to get one that digitally reads the heart rate so I wont have to count and figure it out myself. It should be here by the end of this week. Of course I am anxious that I wont be able to find the h/b but if that happens you better believe I am demanding that my doctor see me to check on things. All in all I feel good about my decision and I hope it will relieve some of my anxiety. If any of you have tips on how to find the h/b I'm all ears.
I have also decided that this Wednesday, when I hit 11 weeks I am going to take my first belly shot. I'm not sure if it will be bare belly or not but you have to promise not to laugh at my pudge!
Lastly, I'm calling all lurkers to de-lurk! I know you are reading! Tell me about yourself, where you are from, how you found my blog, and whether you are an IF and if so what stage in the game are you?? Perty please?
I have also decided that this Wednesday, when I hit 11 weeks I am going to take my first belly shot. I'm not sure if it will be bare belly or not but you have to promise not to laugh at my pudge!
Lastly, I'm calling all lurkers to de-lurk! I know you are reading! Tell me about yourself, where you are from, how you found my blog, and whether you are an IF and if so what stage in the game are you?? Perty please?
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