Monday...blah!

Happy Monday to all out there in the blogging world! I am continuing to read everyone’s updates but I haven’t really commented much. It’s not that I don’t want to comment but I often feel like I don’t have anything to say. I had a pretty good weekend, at least for the first half of the weekend. On Friday we relaxed and watched tv, nothing too exciting. On Saturday we got up early and headed to the MVA to renew my driver’s license. My picture on the new license really looks like a mugshot!! I might scan the picture just to show you. Then we headed off to the party store to pick out table covers, napkins, and plates for Dhs party. I knew I wanted a variety of bright colors (it is a 70’s party after all) and had a nice blue shade picked out for the table covers when Dh comes striding up to me with a hideous orange color! He insists that he wants this orange color as the table covers. No matter how much I tried to talk him out of it he wouldn’t budge so I ended up getting the orange table cover, with green plates, and blue cups (they all match the 70’s disco party napkins we found.) If anyone knows me they can vouch that it takes a lot for me to give in, and for me to give in to purchasing the hideous orange table covers is really an accomplishment. But, how could I say no, he was so insistent and it is his party. I found out later that the orange is the same color of the dukes of hazard car (which is why he likes the color.) So he won that battle, but I will still win the rest! Then we went grocery shopping which we needed to do desperately. We spent the rest of the day doing a good spring cleaning. It was a fairly nice day and we were able to open the windows for most of the day. My sweet little kitties got to bask in the sun and smell the fresh air which they always enjoy. It was so cute to watch Sarah (the grey one) chase her shadow, so cute! We watched the Borne Ultimatum (the third one in the series on Saturday evening.)

On Sunday we got up early to eat cereal for breakfast before church. We did our music cantata this Sunday. I am still suffering from my cough and I noticed that sometimes when I sing nothing comes out, but I did my best. I also notice that I have a talent, I can make the palms that they hand out on palm Sunday into little crosses! We then went to the in-laws house so that MIL and I could scan pictures for a slide show I am doing for Dh’s birthday party. We were scanning when Dh’s grandmother came over in tears (his grandparents live next door to his parents.) Dh’s grandfather has been sick for a long time. Two years ago we found out he had lymphoma and he has been in and out of the hospital since. The cancer was in remission for a while but we think it is back. I think he is finally tired of fighting. He doesn’t want to do the chemo again and refuses to have a biopsy done on a nodule they found in his lung. He is 84 years old and he has made peace with facing his own death and knows exactly where he is going. Yesterday he was having a lot of trouble breathing and we had to call an ambulance to take him to the hospital. He has a very low white and red blood cell count and is so weak he can hardly move. They are going to do a blood transfusion but are waiting for another doctor to look at him. It is hard to see someone suffer so much. I feel so bad for Dh and his family. Dh’s father is understandably upset and you can tell he is very stressed over everything that is going on, it is never easy to lose a parent. It seems that no one knows the prognosis. Obviously we know that there is no cure for his cancer but we do not know the severity of what he is currently suffering from and how much time he has. I don’t see my Dh cry often, but when I do it breaks my heart. So, please pray for Dh’s grandfather and that he will not suffer in pain and that whatever the outcome is meant to be that his family will find comfort in knowing that he will be with our Savior when it is his time to go.

On the IVF front, I have been taking the BCPs with my dinner and have been having awful side effects. Every night after I take them I feel nauseous. I thought taking them with food would help but it doesn’t. I don’t remember ever having this kind of side effect when I took BCPs to actually avoid pregnancy (a lot of money wasted now that we know better.) I am assuming that this is a much stronger dose than I am used to which is why it is causing the side effects. I am hoping that over the next couple of days my body will get used to them and the side effects will subside. Has anyone else had this problem with the BCPs? What did you do? I also have my mock transfer scheduled for this Wednesday at 8:30 a.m. I am told it is quick and painless and I certainly hope it is nothing like an HSG! Honestly, I am getting a bit annoyed with my fertility clinic. I have been going there for over three years now and I have never had a problem with them. But it seems that lately they are not taking the time to explain things to me. Maybe it is because I have been there so long and they assume I already know. For example, I never ever see my doctor anymore. My RE used to do the u/s so I would see him every time I went in, he would also call with beta results and to explain what he wanted to do next. Now they have an u/s tech that does the u/s and the nurse calls me with my beta results. So I never see or talk to my doctor at all. I am still feeling confused about the whole IVF process in respect of when to schedule certain things. For example, my nurse e-mailed me my protocol but it made no mention of when I should schedule my mock transfer. So, I responded to her e-mail and asked her when I should schedule my mock transfer. She wrote back and told me that I should schedule it during my BCP phase, “earlier rather than later.” Well gee, good thing I asked because I wouldn’t have known to do it! So I called this morning to schedule the mock transfer and the receptionist didn’t give me any kind of instructions on what to do. I asked her if there was any special instructions, ie. do I come in with a full bladder like the actual transfer? She said she didn’t know. So I e-mailed my nurse again and asked her if there was anything I needed to do (I am sure she is regretting e-mailing me my protocol thereby giving me her e-mail address.) I just feel like I am not getting much instruction as far as what to do. I still don’t know when or how to pay my deposit or when to sign the consent forms. I know this clinic is supposed to be the best in the state, and I do trust my doctor, but I feel that they are losing that personal touch which made it so nice before. I guess it will all work out, I just want to make sure I am doing things correctly. Well, that’s all I have for now…

IVF Protocol

Well, I am officially an IVF patient! I got my protocol from my nurse this morning and I will take my first BCP tonight. I will be taking Lupron, Follistim, and Menopur. I was interested to see I will be doing Follistim instead of Gonal F because I see most people take Gonal F but the only thing I can think is that because I used the Follistim with my IUI my doc knows it works for me. My nurse also told me that I will be monitored every day while on stims as opposed to every other day due to my "very polycystic ovaries." This is the first time I have ever heard this. I mean, I obviously know I have PCOS but I didn't know it was more extreme than other cases. That scared me a little bit. What if I am too PCOS and things don't work for me? I am so scared of either overstimming or not stimming at all. But, I trust my doctor and I know he will take good care of me. Honestly, this whole IVF process is so daunting and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. I guess this is a normal reaction though. I am excited to start but scared of how it could turn out. It is sobering to realize that we will not be able to jump right into another IVF cycle if this one fails. We would have to save up all of the money again or wait until either Dh or I get a job that has insurance that covers IVF. But for now, I know there is no use dwelling on it. I need to focus on the here and now and hope for the best. So, with that, here are my estimated dates:

3/13-4/2: Take BCPs
3/31: Start Lurpon
4/8: b/w & u/s and start stims
4/19: Egg retrieval
4/22: 3 day transfer or 4/24 5d day transfer

So I will know by my birthday (5/13) -whether this cycle worked. It will either be a wonderful birthday present or the worst birthday ever! Ladies, I am looking for a cycle buddy so if you know anyone please let me know!

Sheeeessss Heeerrreee (said in creepy Poltergeist-like voice)

Yep, so as the title indicates the old witch is here in all her glory. Horray! (as much as one can be happy to have AF that is) I think today would be considered day one because yesterday I was just spotting pink/red so today will be day 1. So I called my nurse as soon as I got in this morning and left a message for her to call me and tell me what to do. So I guess we are officially doing this thing. It still doesn't feel real and probably won't until I start the Lupron. I am also going to ask my nurse today what my protocol will be..just for my own peace of mind. I am also planning on paying my deposit (oh joy) when I go in because I want to order my meds in case they take a while to get here..I don't trust my pharmacy at all. So, once I get a call back I will update with my protocol.

The AF Dance

Come on ladies...grab your broomsticks and your witch hats and join me in the AF dance! I am spotting so hopefully she is coming soon..she just needs a little encouragement! Then BCPs here I come!! Extra brownie points if you make her come before 5 p.m. today!

My Hubby is Blogging!!!

Just wanted to do a little advertizing that my hubby has decided to start a blog of his own. He noticed there weren't many guys out there sharing their story so he thought he would give it a shot. I gave him a long lecture about being a good blogger (like me..he he) so hopefully he will update it often. I think it is wonderful that he is willing to tell the world his story, after all, infertility affects men just as much as women. Anyway, go over and give him some love at The Making of Baby V - The Husband's Side of Things.

Quick Update

This will be a quick one as not much has changed since the last post. I am feeling better emotionally since I have had time to calm down. I have started my prometrium to bring on AF since we now have our finances in order. I HATE the prometrium! It makes me instantly bloated. Although I am not suffering from the awful heartburn this time as I am back on my acid reflux meds. I also have an awful cough and a terrible sore throat. My throat feels like it's burned on the inside (if that makes any sense.) I'm taking 5 days of prometrium twice a day (they didn't tell me how much to take so this is what I am doing) and hopefully AF will show up shortly. If someone has seen her then could you please send her my way?

So tired...

Wow...it's been a little while since I have updated last. Well, I am sure that you all have been waiting and anticipating the next installment of my oh so exciting life. Let’s see:

Still no AF. I really don’t think she is coming at all. I have the bottle of prometrium but I don’t want to start it until we have our money lined up for the IVF which should be in this week. I’m just nervous that we will get to where we need to start the lupron and we won’t have paid our deposit yet. While we have the money to pay the deposit I would just feel better if we had all of the money we need easily accessible before we start.

I had a horribly busy weekend and I hated every minute of it. Friday night was my friend from work’s bachelorette party. I really didn’t want to go because clubbing and drinking aren’t my thing (at least since my early twenties.) I toyed with making up an excuse until I saw how excited she was and I just couldn’t tell her I wasn’t coming. Friday on the way home there was a huge accident and car fire which extended my usually 30 minute drive home to an hour and a half drive home. I had to rush to eat dinner and get ready to go out. I was having a horrible hair day and for some reason my hair was so full to static that it was literally sticking to my face. I didn’t want to go to begin with so I was already in a crappy mood which was made worse by the ride home. I was also not thrilled about having to stay out late because we were having 0ur spaghetti dinner at church the next day and I needed to be at church early to set up for that. DH dropped me off at the hotel we were meeting at and I decided that it would be better if I got cash out of the ATM that way I didn’t have to carry my card around or a purse. So I got $60 out which I thought would be more than plenty since I was only planning on having one drink. So I kissed DH and stuffed the $60 into my jeans pocket. 30 minutes later as we were leaving the hotel to go to the club I reached in my pocket and my $60 was gone! I backtracked through the hotel and in the parking lot and never did find my money. The only thing I can think is that the money fell out of my pocket. I was so upset! I mean I certainly wasn’t going to spend the whole $60 but now I had no money on me at all, not even my bankcard. So I had to borrow some money from someone to get into this club that I didn’t want to go to anyway. The club was crowded and rowdy. The girls there were raunchy and slutty (not the girls I was with, the ones at the club) and the guys were looking the women up and down like it was a cattle auction. Two guys got into a fight and one pushed another into me and almost knocked me on the ground. Finally I called DH around 1:00 and asked him to come pick me up. I didn’t get to bed until 2:00 because I had to eat something because I didn’t eat a lot for dinner because I was rushing around.

Saturday we spent ALL day at church. Dh and I have been youth group leaders for almost 10 years now and every year we do a spaghetti dinner to raise money for our youth group. So, My new focus is going to be to figure out a way to gain some control over the portions of my life that I have control over since my fertility is obviously not one of the things I can directly control. I am a people pleaser which should be very evident from my posts. I am always concerned about making other people happy and not worrying about what makes me happy. From now on I am going to try my best not to worry about what other people think I should be doing. My house is a disaster due to the fact that I wasn’t home at all this weekend to clean so I am going to try to tackle that in little bits this week. I feel so much better when things are cleaned and organized but I have had some trouble getting the energy to do it. I am also starting to cough so I am hoping I am not coming down with something although it may have something to do with the lack of sleep. I am going after work to buy something to help me sleep.

I also have to make a decision about my Longaberger business. I have had a lot of trouble keeping a good customer base mainly because there are so many other consultants in my area and I just don’t have the time to devote to it. I have a very limited group of customers who simply cannot afford to purchase baskets on a regular basis to keep my business afloat. I really don’t want to stop selling them but I just don’t know what else to do. I have tried several times to bring in new customers or get people to book shows by having shows at my house and trying to get people to be hostesses but they either don’t come, or they come and buy something but wont be a hostess or they sign up to be a hostess and then cancel later. I am like $15 short of making my sales requirement to renew my contract so I may just purchase $15 worth of stuff just to renew my contract and then decide over the next year whether I want to sell the baskets. It is something that I do enjoy doing but that I feel like it is too much work for so little reward.